"Happy New Year to me!!!' (And many who know me!)

So, if you "follow" my Twitter "feed", you know I made a quick note on New Year's Eve about not making any resolutions. However, for the same reason, you also know I promised that this past weekend (decently-in to the New Year, some might say) was a big one in my history. Let me start this blog off by explaining that to anyone who may be unaware & curious. (Or just one or the other, let alone neither.)

In order to explain why I'm celebrating a "New Year" 3 weeks late, I have to actually go back a bit more than a year. Join me in the Wayback Machine, & let's head back to mid-December of 2012.

It was my birthday, & I spent a lot of it with my Mom, sister, brother-in-law, & my 2 nephews over at their house (also the one I grew up in). (Understand, as a side-note of sorts that I would've also spent it with my niece, but she wasn't born for about another year.) Mom & I came home, & I spent the next few days doing a lot of the same stuff I do now: Watching TV &/or DVDs, reading my mail, & "tweeting". (I do it a ton, but I hope that doing that helps me discover/create a better word for it; "Tweeting" is what I hear from those stupid birds on may way into the movie theater.)

Eventually, it was about the 19th of December. I had a whole lot of open time, which is something I continue to feel internally-conflicted about: On the one hand, I don't have to see any of my doctors (or other assured "authority figures" I'm outright expected to listen-to & trust). On the other, I have literally nothing hinted/suggested-at for me to do. (I have no guarantee on this, but I believe it's times like these my friend Jon decides to make the video we watched in Theatrics of him skydiving, or Vince McMahon to create the XFL.)

Like many shows, "Burn Notice" was on a break seemingly for the holidays. One thing I have come to recall & appreciate about that show is it never has an ending with a bunch of slow climaxing right up until the final minute; The "case of the week" often ends 5 minutes before the individual episode, & the final piece will include some person or thing (maybe both) that will be the tie-in to the next episode. Probably in large part due to much of my family lumping the holidays together (I only recently voiced my displeasure for the closeness of New Year's- & Christmas-related things, but some relatives begin asking for potential Christmas gifts if you visit them for Halloween), I laid on the couch (where I have honestly spent much of the past month), & started watching recent episodes "On-Demand", hoping I would be ready when it returned.

Mom, meanwhile, was spending time with my sister & my Aunt. I clearly & understandably have no clue what they said or did together. Eventually, though, it was obvious Mom was watching my nephews, as Jen & Aunt Shirley showed-up here. I also have no recall on the conversation, but it ended with the two of them deciding one would call 911. Eventually, I was in an ambulance, which took me to Trumbull Memorial Hospital. (If I had the proverbial nickel for each time I've talked/written about this place!! In addition to being the birthplace of me, Jen, both nephews, & my niece, I have spent enough time in there that I've discussed with many staff the possibility/likelihood of them eventually naming a section after me.)

While I've spent a ton of time inside the hospital, it seems that I've spent a steadily-increasing amount in/on what the staff refer to only as "3 South", which I will tell you is flat-out a mental ward. [I chalk it up to a line I once heard on a Jason Statham DVD. but can never recall precisely about there being "a fine line between genius & crazy". For years, it has bothered me that unlike (for instance) cancer, there is no way to be sure if you have "crazy" or not... It appears to be a "judgment-call" deal; I have differing thoughts from others on a ton of things. I have no problem with their assuming themselves to be correct; What gets me is their assumption that I am on the latter side of the line, whereas I believe myself to be on the former.]

Anyhow, it shouldn't surprise any readers I mention "3 South" because that is where I ended-up in December of 2012. One day, I was sitting in their main room for a meal, & was joined by my Mom. We were later joined by Holly Herrholtz. (I admit to having no clue how to pronounce that surname, but am copying it directly from the business card she gave me that day.) She introduced herself as some sort of representative for a place called "Renaissance North", one of the places her business card calls, "Valley Renaissance Healthcare Center(s)". It was explained to us that when I left "3 South", I would not be going to the endocrinology department of the hospital, or directly home; Instead, I would be sent to "Ren. North". (It surprises me this very second to see that this particular building is not named anywhere on the card; I rode in Ma's car past it less than a month ago, so I know it to still exist.)

Despite having been a high-school alumnus of over a decade (& each parent for much longer than that), none of us were given a choice in the matter (that I recall; Mom is said to have made a few "calls" around this time that surprise me to hear of them now). I was "shipped off" to this place, never being told a date or occurrence that would bring my exit.

Some things about the place were decent: I was given a room to myself, near a shower that was almost-always available (as long as you knew the code for the door, which reminded me of something I was used to on "Leverage"). I was also given 3 meals a day, & often asked which of two I preferred at each prior meal, These would not be mentioned, of course, if the place was without its eccentricities: They had me spend a lot of my stay in daily therapy, though I had not entered (doing so on foot without help) with any injuries I was aware of. Also, looking in my sock drawer now would reveal some still have my surname written on them, as do a few of my shirts.

As it seems to annually, New Year's Eve came. I remember still that I was in Renaissance this particular day, as I can still picture myself in my room, watching "Dolph Ziggler" (actually an alumnus of a semi-local college) making New Year's Resolutions in the ring on "Monday Night Raw". [Another good thing about this place: No "lights out" time or anything like that; While I didn't have my CD player & was using captions on several TV shows, I could watch all the Craig Ferguson (or read any book) I wanted.]

After a few weeks, the therapists (one male leader & one female leader among them, which I still wonder about being motivated by Title IX or something) told me I was done not withe the building, but with them. I did eventually leave there (clearly; No Internet service I was aware of), & came back to the apartment.

Now, come on the "Way-Forward" machine with me to about December 10th of 2013. Knowing my birthday was approaching (& would be on a weekend), I was looking forward to it & attempting to plan something. (Spending it at my sister's again was all but cancelled, as my niece was due earlier in the week.) I also enjoyed the fact I had no doctor's appointment directly preceding my birthday. (I don't think we can hang wall calendars here according to the apartment lease, so I simply keep my appointment cards in order as best I can on a counter near the stove.)

I had a few doctors' appointments in the week following my birthday, though. Following each one, I would plan the next visit to that doctor, obviously for 2014. Each time, I was unsure if the day they said was currently doctor-free, but knew if it turned-out I had one scheduled for that day already, I could call back & reschedule the one who hadn't called "dibs"/"shotgun" on it in time.

Unlike me, Mom had already bought a calendar. (I tend to wait until around now, thinking the calendar stores & the like will have them "marked-down" once a new year has begun.) One day early this month, I attempted to check it to see what I had coming when. (The guy I see at the Kidney Group, for instance, often calls last-second to reschedule for several months later, leaving the appointment card in very-much the wrong spot sequentially.) It was then I read some note on this past weekend about her having brought me home from "The R" (what we've both come to call it) on the 18th.

Her note said nothing of time, however, so I just assumed I'd make sure to be sure (redundant much?!), & wait to celebrate this past Sunday. It got to the point I E-mailed my sister, asking what she might like to do to join us in marking it. (She remains unable to travel a while more, related to the birth of my niece.) I also told her on the phone recently I was approaching "my last weekday before Sunday". She said it was hers, too. I asked her what she had coming Sunday. When she said, "Nothing," I reminded her of my situation.

I've been saving this for the big ending (which I now recall is in direct conflict with the thing I said I enjoyed about "Burn Notice" episodes at the start of this, which is kind-of "circularly-ironic", especially considering the part that show (& the trait of it I referred to previously) plays in the story told in this blog. But as I said, I've been in Trumbull a ton, & spent less than a month at "The R". All that means is that, while I am well-aware 2014 is over 3 weeks old (according to the chronograph on my watch). I have only recently completed my first year of never being admitted to either of those places or any others.

--Last note; Promise... This is my first blog (I believe) of 2014, & also the first being typed entirely on my own computer in my own room!!

Thanks To "The Elite 1E"!!! -- How My Future Career Began [Footnote Added 1-10-14 @ 10 PM]

Note: This blog is being written without the consent of “The Elite 1E”, “Dustberg”, or the other members of the status-currently-unknown “Elite Wrestling Federation” once based in Howland/Warren, Ohio… Except “The Wildman”, AKA the author/blogger himself. (I did seek it from the others, but was unable to get a response in time.)

I’ve done some quick mental Math about an hour ago, and discovered that I apparently started my Freshman Year of high school in 1997. While that was after some claim to have “invented the Internet” (Google tells me “WebTV” was invented the year before), my immediate family was behind a lot of my friends in areas related to several media & other things. (The top 2 of my All-Time 3 favorite bands in order are also chronologically in order of their conception; 1 & 2 both released albums before I was born; & While 1 member of #1 is deceased, only #3 has publically called it quits.)

Anyhow, let me “break away” from that part of things for a minute, & just state the fact that I spent much of my high school career attending what I’ve long called “alternative schooling”. Due to health issues that may still remain partially-undefined (over a decade since graduation), I attended some of Freshman Year, most of Sophomore Year, & all of Junior Year away from the actual school buildings. (Makes me laugh to think of it now; I went to the same “primary school” my nephew does, & the elementary school I attended still exists, named after the street it’s on, the same street that contains the apartment complex where I now live & type this blog.)

My relationship with my father has changed a lot over the years, even though I estimate half of the county knows me primarily due to my connection with him. Regardless, it’s a simple statement of fact that a lot of what I’ve gotten from him over the years has cost either/both of us $0.00. (He bought me my first-ever CD, “Fairweather Johnson” by Hootie & The Blowfish. I also got a “Greatest Hits” CD by Elton John from him, which I begged him for due to “Rocket Man” being stuck in my head for days before he mentioned receiving it from his Columbia House membership.)

The reason I mention this is for quite some time, though my parents were divorced & he lived in another residence, he regularly brought over copies of Entertainment Weekly. I would read much of them before they were eventually tossed. One of my favorite parts (which they seem to have stopped including) was something I believe was called, “Opening Lines”. In it, they would include staff favorites of the opening lines of new books.

One night, I was sitting on my bed & watching TV, with a laptop I’d received from Dad on my lap. (I don’t think he ever told me how he’d gotten it.) As some show on MTV ended, I told myself I was going to try & write a fictional story, beginning by attempting one of those “Opening Lines”. I did it, altering my own first name only slightly into “Tom” mid-sentence, & thinking I had created the real-sounding surname McGowan. (Imagine my shock a few years later watching the credits at the end of “Frasier”, & seeing this man’s name; I still shudder & get taken from the story for a few minutes when I see him in anything.)

Since my “alternative schooling” left me with plenty of open time, I spent a lot of the next few years writing fictional stories. [If you have the time, & feel like it, you can find my online history all over, much of it written under the name "TJChurch". This was/is my original self-given pseudonym, simply combining my first 2 initials (with one period after the grouping) with my real last name.]
After taking so much of a “Summer vacation” when I left school Sophomore Year, I convinced myself that (actual) Summer I was going to try to go back to Howland High School. (No big feat, really; I had taken two “Acting For Teens” Classes recently at Packard Music Hall, & had been at the school many evenings to hear my older sister in the band/choir.) I was further convinced I could do this by the fact the aforementioned sister had convinced me to join her in trying out for the local “Summer Stock” program that year. (She had also done so the previous year, resulting that time in me playing numerous parts in a traveling show.)

I indeed went back, in essence replacing my now-alumnus sister in the Band, Choir, & Speech-&-Debate Team. (I also attempted some “one-upsmanship” by adding the school paper & “Pep Band”.) In retrospect, I consider my return easier due to the facts that the Seniors (often considered Kings/Queens of the school) were mostly longtime friends of mine, & nobody else had any prior memories of me to think about/compare to what they now saw.

It was my Senior Year in band that brought me into a group I learned was called “the EWF”. It included then-Freshmen Eric Baker (referred to as “the Elite 1E”), Dustin Dickerson (called “Dustberg”), & Jason Valenti (forget what his name was now), among a few others.
As I recall, the ”Federation” was some sort of “backyard wrestling” group. [As I said, lack of memories of me made things easier; I still believe I left the school largely due to being blocked from sports (& Marching Band) by Cleveland Clinic doctors in the Spring of Freshman Year. Local cardiologists allowed me to return prior to Senior Year starting.] I’m not sure if they ever actually had matches, but we all had fictional biographies on its Website. (It was on Angelfire, & I still recall the address, but attempts to go there now tell me, “We couldn’t find the page you requested.  Please check the URL and try again.”)

When I left high school again, this time with my diploma, I aimed for a way to continue doing what I had done in the EWF. (It’s now popularly called “role-playing” or “RPing” for short, though it was far before “World of Warcraft” & the like, & honestly, not much similar in comparison.) Since I was out of school (college plans fell through due to further health issues), it shocked me when the next Fall came, & the people I had been RPing with online all Summer seemed to be doing it far less often. (It finally hit me that school had begun again nationwide.)

I therefore went back to having a ton of open time, & continued writing fictional stories. I found (or so I recall/believe) that my creativity being accessed for my “E-fed” RPing led to better work in my other writing. [By now, this also included lyrics to songs (though I still have trouble writing the songs note-wise on a staff), fully-realized when I completed my first original musical just over 12 years ago. It remains my hope to perform it on the same Summer Stock stage my sister & I co-starred on right before my Senior Year.]

Any day now, I hope to buy a new computer. (No guarantees; I’ve said that for months, & Ma says “frostbite” warnings won’t even allow me to get out for grocery-shopping today.) When I do, I then hope to continue several writing projects that I have (both in my head & physically “lying around”), many of which I have delayed actually starting until I am able to type them in full. (My current cell phone, now within arm’s reach, has one text message on it saved in my “Drafts” folder which will never be sent to anyone, but is to/for myself about a character in my next-to-be-written musical project.)

Also, if my writing largely remains unpublished in 5-6 years, I am recently trying to contact Angelfire to regain control & update it, but here is the old page for the career I will be attempting then. (Note the URL/address; It was originally used for something similar to “blogging” & other things, & created not long after I left HHS & the EWF.)

Note: The "good people" at Angelfire/Lycos were very quick & kind in their response to me, so I have regained control of my old page, & updated it. (Feel free to simply take the link; It has a link right back to this page!)

"All I Want", Part 1

Well, we're now really in the holiday season. I finally got a good percentage of my Christmas shopping done yesterday. (Sometimes "living Improv" means you do things last-minute!) I also recently got back from a visit at my sister's (to see both nephews & the new niece), while also being invited to come again tomorrow with the gifts I bought for all of them.

Anyhow, the fact is I haven't seen a lot of my family ("immediate" or "extended") since the last blog. (Still debating meeting with my Mom's side of the family tonight, prepared for many of them to tell me "Merry Christmas" & "Happy Birthday" about in the same breath!) Regardless, I present to all my readers a possible gift list...

...To be a bit different, however, this will not be of anything to get me for my birthday or Christmas, as they will not be things that you could likely find in any store. Even so, they are things I would be very interested in seeing in the New Year (or-so) that I believe many of us would benefit from. (Don't worry; I'll limit myself to a maximum of 10, so you can count them down instead of watching the already-seen-too-much Ryan Seacrest take over basically solo for Dick Clark next week.)

1] "Truth In Advertising" = I heard about this years ago, & so have long assumed it (& laws to require it) actually existed. However, I think it (like the "right" to marry) should be extended across the country in various ways & situations. For instance, I recently watched a TV performance by a group known as the Avett Brothers. I loved it (to the point I watched it when the episode repeated, when I rarely watch Jimmy Fallon's show once a week)!! When introducing the group, Jimmy announced they were performing alongside Chris Cornell, whose name I knew from bands he was in previously. What makes them violate this rule/idea is that I recently read an article in Rolling Stone about them that goes out of its way to mention the other members of their band that performed with them that night, as well as several other nights before & since! I don't mind that (I know Tom Petty & other artists play multiple instruments on their albums through multi-track recording & things, but can't do so live in Cleveland or Pittsburgh), but when it bothers me is people like Justin Bieber, who we all know can't play a note on anything! (I realize this might seem mean since I grew-up a drummer, so I technically didn't play a note either... But I'll loan Bieber my old sticks next time he's in Cleveland, & personally induct him into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame if he knows how to use them as well as I do.)

2] Bands Reunited, etc.= Not saying I want to see the return of this show to VH1 (though I wouldn't be against the old seasons being put out on DVD). What I want rather, starts with the end, for instance, of things like I heard about on that show, where the female from the group Berlin (I think it was) continued to tour years later under that name when she was the only original member still in the performing group. Also, I would love to see 98 Degrees get back together as I read they did earlier this week. (Anyone else see the irony of the host of "The Sing-Off" being another guy who famously sings but doesn't play anything?!) However, before they sign on for a tour, add this caveat: They (like recent reunite-ers New Kids On The Block) can no longer be advertised as a band (due to my aforementioned "Truth In Advertising" bit), & since they would not be touring to support a new recording, Nick will be singing under his new name "Nick Minnillo", as his wife still has a show actively airing on Fox's schedule, & is therefore more "actively famous" than he is. (Much the way Pau Gasol is more "actively famous" than Kobe right now, since Bryant can't stand up without the rest of the team ironically supporting him.)
3] “The End Of Presumption” = This, contrary to #1, refers to something I long believed did not exist, but have come to find out exists perhaps beyond nationwide. [In fact, it may refer to both of the previous, as when we hear someone has the “top-selling” album, we might have once assumed they could play an instrument. Likewise, when Jay Leno says his guest “stars in the #1 movie in the country”, we might assume they are an actor. When people like the group One Direction or comic Kevin Hart (also currently a star of a reality show) are the previously-described stars, however, that is not the case.] A Google search tells me it may have been as many as 8 years ago this first began to occur to me: A local man that was a friend of my father’s was charged with a crime. Fast as a finger-snap, that man’s name was never mentioned again in our house. I don’t think anyone had spoken it for years prior, but that fast, you dared not say it on the property, or risk something akin to an “evil eye” from any other family member. Reading my prior blogs will show the same thing bothers me more now with people assuming everything my doctors have claimed about me is the truth, even though we all admit my doctors are as human (& therefore, I say, as prone & likely to make mistakes) as anyone else.

I had more of these mere hours ago... But my "improv" deal & my memory seem to be linked these days, as ideas disappear minutes later. (That's why I have a text message saved in my phone's "Drafts" for a writing project I don't plan to begin until 2014.) Hence, I titled this as "Part 1" when it may turn out to be all of it.

I'm Thankful For A New Year This Christmas

So, here we are... We've officially reached what everyone around me seems to designate "the holiday season". Ads all over the paper & TV for their gift-&-related sales, trees that have lost their leaves but are covered in lights & plastic balls, many of the people I E-mail or contact on Twitter sending me actual, hold-able cards via "snail mail"... And all that...
I almost typed "all that good stuff". To be honest, though, it's not really all that good for me. Not only did I take a Latin class over a decade ago, which ruined the idea of celebrating it in Winter for me (much the way Emmy-winner Jim Parsons does here),... But I happen to be one of those people who has a birthday in-between Thanksgiving & Christmas. (Not saying I rank anywhere near deities on any list made by anyone, but my birthday & the holiday each bring-about the idea of gift-giving; For years, my Aunt would ask weeks beforehand what I wanted for Christmas, & my stock answer was some version of "Whatever I don't get for my birthday.")
Subtract my birthday & all holidays from the remainder of this year's calendar, though. (It only exists metaphorically for me anyway, outside of me keeping my appointment cards on a counter in chronological order, including those for 2014.) In the next 24 hours, I will have either my 3rd nephew or my first niece somewhere in the county. (I don't know why I chose to write it that way; They will be born in the same hospital as my sister, 2 nephews, & Grammy-winner Dave Grohl, but not in the city I live in now.) As I said to Mom about an hour ago, I believe my younger nephew to have a closer connection to me than his older brother did at the same exact age, which can only bode well for the yet-to-come child... So why was I sitting in the adjoining room last night, debating if I wanted to live even 1 more day?!
I think I covered this all before, even just on this site. However, in case I haven't, let's cover it all (perhaps again). It comes down not to anything I've done, but to what I haven't done: I am a legal adult in any "state of the Union", as well as a legal citizen of the same county & state I write this blog in. [Unlike Bret Hart & his niece, both of whom I watched on TV last night, I've never done a legal "job" in my life (nor the illegal type as seen on "Leverage"). However, I was naturally born in this county in every sense of the word/phrase.] Outside of perhaps jaywalking down a nearby street (often right past police cars), I have never committed a crime, or been any type of suspect. I have spoken right out loud several times the idea of running for local or national office, & have yet to rule it out. Even so, I sit within eyes' view of several pieces of proof that other adults (ironically, those with jobs as attorneys, judges, & others in the legal "realm") have more control over several key parts of my life than I do. It's only been that way for about a year; However, that's at least 10 months longer than it should have been.
In truth, this all starts back about a dozen years ago. Around the middle of the actual year 2001 (perhaps I should blame Kubrick?!), I was diagnosed with a disease I still refuse to say I have. As it was far-more-recently explained to me (about a week ago), the reason these other people have control over key aspects of my life is because I "refuse to admit" I have it. On the contrary, I admit to any who ask (& some who don't) I have not spent a single second in a college class or law school, & therefore get my entire legal knowledge from watching court-related shows. (Today was the first in a long time, but one of literally thousands, of days I had Breakfast while watching "Judge Mathis".) However, I was (until this case/situation) cognizant/aware of the fact I still find myself relying on that courts rely on evidence in the vast majority of cases, & that the "burden of proof" &/or need to prove things relies on the one claiming it is/they are so. There is not a person in any US State or territory that has ever seen proof I have this not-named-here disease, which is one reason I claim that even if I wanted to, it'd be impossible to "admit" I have it.
It seems to me that this is just a situation of some sort of a "train of thought" being (let's kill a metaphor) thrown into "Reverse"... I've long seen/read/heard, "Be careful what you wish for; You just might get it". Here, I was not wishing for anything; Simply relying on something I'd long been told was true, but never needed to find out if it truly was or not. When I actually find a situation where it would benefit me, it turns out not to be true at all.
Reading the clock on/at the corner of the screen, I see it is a time when many things/offices/companies in this county are probably closed. However, I got the phone number of the local court that handles my case/situation off of its Website last night (which also had a picture of the same judge that signed the paperwork pertaining to my case/situation), so I may still call them before my next birthday, & see if I can't change something besides my age, clothes, & the length of my hair before the year's out.

Movies On-Demand... In Theatres!

First off, I know I will be (figuratively) "kicking myself" if I do not wish everyone a belated Happy Thanksgiving, "Black Friday", "Cyber Monday", & all that jazz. (Also, my condolences seriously go out to anyone who lost a loved one in an occurrence related to any of those.) With that said, let me tell you what I've been up to over the time since last blog. I stayed away from the Mall & movies that whole time, spending a little time with my sister & nephews at their house, & most of it here where I still live.

The fact is that, like Harry Chapin used to sing it (& I believe I still have the CD to prove it), "All my life's a circle." I stay up late Sunday nights (often to watch repeats of "Burn Notice" or the E! Channel's wrestling-related show), which is why I then end up sleeping late most Mondays. (Ironically, I missed the opening of last night's "Monday Night Raw" largely due to watching the show on E! late Sunday night.) While I've had one-or-two appointments lately (& more to come; Literally, 3-in-a-row in about 2 weeks), I sleep in most days I am allowed to stay here. (I continue to say how much I hate this place, but when you're sleeping/"napping", your eyes are closed, so you largely have no clue where you are.)

Anyway, I say all this to mention I had not yet been able to finish my main two aims for the month of November: Getting a haircut & seeing the new Jason Statham movie, "Homefront."

This afternoon, I left the apartment at about 3 PM, sure I'd get to the theatre in time for what I remembered as being a 4-something showtime. I reached the mall almost right at 4, & called "Fandango", sadly my most-often "go-to" destination for movie times. It was then I was told the show had (at some point) moved to 5:20. I passed by the place I get my hair cut, but they were extremely busy. I walked a few laps around the Mall, before leaving the building for the movie theatre around 5:15.

At the ticket counter, I double-checked the film's showtime. I then asked the ticket-seller for "one to the 'Homefront' that just started". I reached for my ID, only to have him confirm out loud that he'd seen me there before, & knew I was "21". ("Long as he knows I'm old enough to get in, no need to correct him," I thought.) He told me (I never asked) I'd "only miss the first few minutes". Not a problem; Anyone who (like me) is a Statham fan knows his movies are big on action & small on plot/setup anyway.

I go to movies on Tuesdays because the local theaters are cheaper those days; The 2nd-run discounts tickets by a buck, & the other has discounted popcorn (the only movie snack people are allowed when, like me, they are popularly-believed to be Diabetic). The ticket-seller also handed me my ticket-shaped paper that earned me a $2.00 popcorn. (Note I said these theatres are "cheaper" now; There was a time years ago the popcorn for frequent customers like I then was cost nothing; It's like they're punishing me because the studios are putting out Vince Vaughn crap & Kevin Spacey is signing series deals solely with Netflix.) I therefore figured my next stop was the concession counter to get the discount snack & some size (diet) soda... Sounds like a fine plan, except I was the only one standing at the counter for long enough to watch many of the most-popular YouTube videos.

With all of that in hand, I walked into the right individual theatre. A quick glance at my watch showed "5:25". I laughed, thinking I'd mainly missed ads for Sprite & other concessions, which I was either medically-barred-from or already carrying. I walked in, & saw nothing on the screen. Twenty more minutes went by, & still blank. [The "radio" was playing; However, it was largely playing Ariana Grande (I joked to myself her FULL name was "Arian-A Grande Pain"), & bands I'd never heard of, like something by/about a White Buffalo.] Finally, at 5:45, I grabbed my currently-off cell phone out of my pocket, turned it back on, & text-messaged my mother, explaining the situation.

She texted me back, "Sumthin not right". I simply laughed, saying aloud, "Like I don't know that," before calling "Fandango" again. When they gave me the option for the building I was in, I hit the buttons to get the theatre's phone number. I memorized it, hung-up, & called it. (I reminded myself of the book I've already mentioned I read by Kevin Mitnick, as this was like something he often did; I stopped myself before sharing that with the employee who answered, however.)

I told the male employee (still now wondering if he was the ticket-seller) that I was "actually calling you from inside your building. I'm in the theater that's supposedly showing 'Homefront', but it's a half-hour past start time, & there's still nothing on the screen". He said he'd "let them know". Soon, some woman came in, looked at the screen for a few minutes actual time (like she expected that would change it, ala a "Jedi mind trick"), & then looked at me & thanked me for letting them know.

A young man (one of only two other audience members) who had headed out of the "screening" before seeing me on the phone thanked me before heading past me on the way back to his seat. I laughed, honestly responding, "No problem; I just wondered, 'What would happen if I called them from them?', & I had to try it!"

Sure enough, the movie started (with the White Buffalo song still playing over it about 10 seconds more). I usually leave the second the end-credits start, thinking, "I'll IMDB it" about any questions I might have about the cast/crew. I stayed for the first minute-or-so of these, however, perhaps expecting a bonus animated flick or something to repay us for not leaving in the wasted half-hour. (Blame "The Amazing Spider-Man", which I still can't find available on DVD in 3-D, the way I saw it in the theatre, & which also had a few more minutes after the last credit ran.)

The Problems With Freedom

As I sit here, it is about 10 minutes after 11 PM on November 25th, 2013. I am sitting in the same county & state I was born in. Before the end of the calendar year, I am facing 2 more birthdays. (Only one of them is mine; The other belongs to either my 3rd nephew or my 1st niece.)

As I approach my birthday (&, coincidentally, the end of the actual calendar) every year, I tend to do some quick Math in my head. I have spent easily 95-plus % of my life in the USA, & I’d estimate an easy 90-plus % in the state of Ohio. I mention all this because it was in the house I grew up in (also in this county, where many of the current residents are “blood relatives”) a few years back that I first spoke of the idea of eventually becoming President. I’ve got about a half-decade before I will be old enough to legally take that position, but since I meet all the other rules &/or requirements, I have not entirely ruled it out.

It was roughly 2 weeks ago I started seriously considering such things more than I have in a long time. I was watching the Steelers play football on TV. (I still remember my best friend telling me that he was a fan of Pittsburgh sports teams over 2 decades ago, & I said the same. Now, he lives in Massachusetts, & while I didn’t become a Steelers fan until we were both in high school, I have no idea what teams he currently supports.)

I started thinking about the remaining majority of my week, most of which was open. I considered spending some of the time at the movies, shopping, or just “killing time” at the local Mall. I figured that if “my” Steelers won that day, I’d possibly wear one of my team shirts wherever I went the next day. I also thought that anyone who supported the team we were then facing could also wear that team’s apparel to the same place the same day no matter the outcome of the game, & neither of us could legally say or do anything to the other claiming the action/speech was spurred by the clothing.

The majority of the time I have seen such things discussed (admittedly, this is most-often fictional series/films), the person(s) claim it is part of their Constitutionally-given “freedom of speech”. This often makes me laugh; While I’m known to say, “You’ll never find a bigger defender of people’s right to their opinion than me”, I take it into account that when exercising their “freedom of speech” in this way, there is very-rarely any speaking actually done.

Around the time of this particular game, it hit me that I have a problem with people exercising this right & others like it. I remain a staunch defender of people’s right to their individual opinions (a quote I read from Voltaire in Freshman Year of high school comes to mind offhand); On that day, I recall myself saying that “People don’t exercise that right enough.” (Here, I wish I could repeat the examples I listed that week. While my stances don’t often change, my memory comes-&-goes like soda cans.)

I believe I’ve covered that side of things enough… For now, at least. Let us look at the other side: When people exercise rights they should (&, I believe, do) not have.

I am, as I said before, a legal adult citizen of the contiguous United States. I graduated high school over a decade ago, & have never been even a suspect in any illegal activity. (As I’ve come to say it, “I regularly watch ‘Person Of Interest’, but have no history of being nor want to become one.”)

After yesterday’s Steelers game, I realized I had the entire week open, & so was considering things I might do this week. (Basically the same list I made earlier.) Before I fell asleep, however, I crossed all possibilities off of my list, thinking I would have to first call & ask a question of my “legal guardian”, requiring me to be home the rest of the day to wait for a call back.

I spent a lot of this afternoon, therefore, “napping”. This is not because I was tired, but because I had forgotten Last Night’s List, & my “guardian” had answered my question when I originally called him this morning.

Part of me is surprised he was available, & actually willing to speak with me personally. Further, part of me is even more surprised (albeit pleasantly so) by some of the answers he gave me. Regardless, the vast majority of me is wondering why I cannot seem to end our connection to each other by the end of this calendar year, & above that, why this connection was ever begun.

Choose My Own Adventure

If you've been reading my blogs (even just those on WordPress) with any regularity, you might get the feeling I am very-often depressed. I am not meaning for that to happen; Trust me that I am well-aware a blog about a depressing life might be just as depressing (if not more so) for those who come to visit &/or read it. However, in much the same way it is popularly said that "Perception is 9-10ths of reality", I mainly blog about what my life is about/is for/includes, & the fact is I have been very depressed since around Labor Day, if not before.

Even so, I have been to my share of "counselors", psychiatrists, psychologists, & who all knows what else in the past decade-or-so. While I have already mentioned in these blogs I've learned that they can't discuss with others my various writing projects & things I discuss with them, I also learned firsthand years ago that things I say in "sessions" with them can be used to send me straight to the Psych Ward of the local hospital. While I have been there-&-home-again at least twice, always with the "OK" from a "medical pro" (not breaking-out like a character I once saw on an episode of "Burn Notice", played by an actor named Michael Weston, pronounced & almost spelled the exact-same as the lead character on the show), that does not mean I am in any mood to go back.

Since I wrote about seeing her the last time, I have called to make another appointment with that same counselor, thinking she (like her predecessor) would help me work on my depression. I went to that appointment last week, & rather than even attempt to work on that, she continued asking me the same one question, claiming she couldn't "work with" me until we answered it. To this minute, I honestly have yet to answer it.

Regardless (it seems I therefore may not go back again), I have realized simply enough the one way to continue living with basically the same amount of freedom I usually have (to read what I want, watch what I want, listen to the still-unplayed CDs I bought months ago, but avoid the hospital) is mainly to continually enact a bit of deception. (I admit this may have a lot to do with the fact I just watched episodes of "Burn Notice" & "Leverage" back-to-back, & am currently reading a book I mentioned in a previous blog by former FBI fugitive Kevin Mitnick.) I don't mean lying to anyone; Simply not telling them I don't see a point to living, etc.

The only problem there is it appears to lead me to a complication... When I have a conversation with extended-family relatives or so-called "medical professionals" where I don't mention my lack of "will to live", they inevitably ask me what I've been doing lately. Reading a paperback & checking my blood-sugar is "all well & good" (not to mention perfectly legal & healthy), but again, quite boring. What do I do to kill time & have something to tell them then?...

...The reason I left the ellipses there is because I can't answer that question. Rather, I could, but it has potentially enough answers to fill a whole 'nother blog. I get to, as I've come to sometimes refer to it, "choose my own adventure" there. Sure; I admit that sometimes means walking to the Mall, which I tend to do as regularly as once-a-week. However, once inside, there are potentially dozens of stores I have never set a single step into. As the saying goes, "There's a first time for everything." (There is one store in our Mall I used to avoid on purpose. Eventually, I walked in, telling myself I was just going in there "for book research," to have things ready I could write about other people/stores characters I had begun writing stories about might experience. Now, I have a near-full "active shopper" card for that same store, along with a keychain "fob" & at least 1 T-shirt I bought there.)

Ever since just about the day I was first told I was Diabetic, I preferred to have something to look forward to, a reason why I was multiple-times-a-day taking insulin shots, and taking other steps to care for a disease I've never believed I had. It could be the local "Rib Burn-Off", where I have yet to bite into a single rib, but which was once home to national bands like Gin Blossoms. It could be a wrestling event or basketball game in Cleveland. Often, a decent-looking TV premiere would be enough for me to consider "worth it". (Sure, there were times I was disappointed by the event... But by then, that means it was over, & I had to look for the next upcoming thing on my calendar.) Now, I similarly often find myself looking for future events. Since I often find my next several events are doctors' appointments, I replace those in my head with the open time I have surrounding them, which are mine to fill as I see fit.

As my way of repaying any regular readers for boring them with my recent blogs, join me in this exercise. Unlike me typing, you don't need your hands to read my blog... So everyone reading it, raise your hand (any of them; I won't know or care which) if you've yet to climb a mountain. Cool; Now, keep it up there if you know for a fact you couldn't do it. My eyes are decent, according to my ophthalmologist, but there better not be anyone out there I could potentially see with a hand up now! The only reason you know you can't do it is if you don't have any hands! Maybe you tried unsuccessfully, for instance, to climb Everest or "K2"; That's cool, & just means you need to pick a smaller one next time.

Off to the side, I'll admit I used to go to the local "Relay For Life" when I was in school. My Grandmother was a cancer survivor, I believe. After I was diagnosed Diabetic, however, I stopped. Don't get me wrong; I'm not supporting cancer, or anything like that! However, last I checked, cancer & Diabetes were both diseases without "sure-thing" cures. I still get upset whenever I read about Wahoo McDaniel or another celebrity who dies from "complications of diabetes"; Even so, I'm betting (if I believe the popular idea I have Diabetes, which I honestly never have to this second) that it or "complications from" it will be what kills me. That means I can fill the rest of the time attempting to cross busy local streets with my shoes untied, eating things I can't identify (going against a rule I've long held myself to), or any number of various other things.

Odds are if you read this, & especially if you've done so this far, that means you know me &/or where I live. Just know I have the vast majority of this week open, & will be filling it with the things listed above & who all knows what else. If you feel the need, come on down & try to stop me. I'll be up late, sampling my old Fall Out Boy CD (especially "Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying...").