OK; I know I haven't been blogging as much lately as I once did, & I'm really quite sorry about that. But before I really get this one going, & fill you in on what I'm doing & why, I've got one question for you to think about; A question that has to deal with your own life, specifically, more than mine...
WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED?!
Don't go off answering that one too fast now... Think about what you've really learned, not from me or anything I've ever written or said, but from/in your life. If you really take the time & think it through, I'll bet the answer isn't as long at the end as it is initially.
Let me explain what I mean...
About 8 hours ago, I was sitting in a different room of this apartment, getting ready to watch the Monday-night wrestling show with my Dad. (We've done that a lot.) Before "Raw", the USA Network often shows "NCIS". That night was no different, & this episode ended with scenes featuring Mark Harmon & Charles Durning... Or was it Brian Dennehy?
I know it really doesn't make a difference in this case, but I asked myself the same question aloud at the time. I IDed the actor as "Charles Durning", & Dad confirmed it. I said, "He's good," & Dad didn't really react. I then asked aloud, "Or is it Brian Dennehy?", telling Dad I find myself getting them confused occasionally, but that it didn't really matter, because I thought both were good. (This then brought me reminders to read my paperback copies of "Iceman Cometh", & then "Glass Menagerie", after which I mumbled awhile at a volume even I couldn't understand.)
Back to the question... On the same Network, I used to watch a show I loved called "Psych". One of the main characters was named "Gus", played by Dule Hill. One thing I recall about him was a "pick-up routine" he had starting with something like, "Did you hear about Pluto?". I only mention that because one of the things I learned in school was the names of all the planets, which at the time, included Pluto. I graduated less than 2 decades ago, & that's no longer the case. Even so, I often find myself wondering if Pluto won't be re-classified as a planet later in my life, or a brand-new planet will be added to the list.
If I'm being honest (which I largely aim to do online), I really am worried about that, but not so much for me; I'm more worried for my sister's kids. I have 2 nephews & a niece. My older nephew is "going through grades like gangbusters", as I've come to say it. It really means one-per-year like most should, but regardless... Who's to say he hasn't already learned something that will change before he graduates?!
That, everyone, is an honest explanation of why I'm up typing this blog on my computer at a few minutes to 5 AM. Not for anyone in my family, or for the intelligent life that may be on any (past, present, or future) planets... But because of my brain.
I mean specifically my brain; Not what I know, or used to know (like that old Gotye song), or what I think I know (or even know I think), but my brain. As someone used to say (I thought it was Colin on "Whose Line...?", & Google now seems to back me up), "For as long as I can remember, I've had memories." I honestly don't remember being told it, but going back long before time I can remember events from, I've gone to people I've simply referred to as "my neuro- dudes". To the best of my knowledge, that's probably gonna be seen by some as disrespectful, as they were all licensed doctors. But it's not (like some old documents from this country) negating the time I saw women, as in this area, I don't (didn’t; been reminded & corrected in the says since first draft) recall that there have been any females.
Anyway, put "back to basics", I've had hydrocephalus, & been shunted. (I believed one set of facts for 20 years, but Google & WebMD "pulled a Pluto" on those some half-dozen years ago.) About 3 years ago, I started having seizures. My neuro- guy of the time (I've seen a mix of "neurologists" & "neurosurgeons", & I believe he's solely the latter) literally sent me to his brother. (They are genetically brothers, I believe literally using the exact-same rooms at varying times in the same office.) I went through a few supposed anti-seizure meds (felt a bit like free samples I used to get at the grocery store), but have been taking the same one regularly for quite some time now, & went most of that with little-to-no seizure-like activity.
Then came this month. This month, I continue to take all my medications. Regardless, I have what seem to me (the only one living this life, & the only one living in this body, which makes me feel like my perspective should be the main one relied-upon if not the only one that matters) to be multiple seizures a day. In addition, I have what I literally feel (& other relatives have confirmed) is a new bump on my head a bit below my current "shunt"... It hurts literally 24-7.
I am planning to call.... I guess it would be "later today" to get the soonest-possible appointment with my current neurosurgeon. (I've been telling him basically since I met him the shunt is "malfunctioning", if in fact it's "functioning" at all. This particular surgeon refused to operate unless I took some sort of anti-seizure medication. I have literally 2 guesses what his response will be when I tell him I take it & still have multiple seizures a day; One is taking the blame, the other is finding some way to still blame it on me. I'm hoping he'll realize only putting the blame/the necessity of action on himself will allow me to live until my next scheduled appointment.) (Another Update: Did this Wednesday.)
Regardless, as much I was in the process of typing a blog about it earlier this same week, I'm really having no trouble sleeping lately. (A questionnaire my general doctor has patients fill-out every visit truly asks, "Have you often recently had trouble being unable to sleep... Or sleeping too much?". Last week, I chose, "Yes," hoping this man who had taken so much more schooling than me would realize asking the question that way taught him nothing regardless of my answer.) Actually, as my being VERY awake & active (& having just finished watching a DVD) will attest to, I have times of sleeping amazingly, & also times I could walk for miles while proverbially chewing gum without trouble.
The simple fact is I have chosen not to... Do much of anything. My sister brought all 3 kids here Saturday, & I intentionally stayed away. Mom offered to pick me up for our weekly family Lunch the next day, & I again rejected the offer. My older nephew is amid soccer practices, & while I made much of his recent sport season (where they won the Title, as proven by a picture on my cell-phone including him, a trophy, & me), I'm not sure I'll make much of the soccer season. (Yet another update: Found myself joining Mom in going to his practice Wednesday afternoon.)
I have said since quite near the day he was born I am "addicted" to my nephew. My younger nephew literally grabs my leg at every weekly Lunch, to the point I consider ordering 2 of everything in case I drop 1 when he attaches himself. My niece, meanwhile, has developed a running bit of "always has a smile for" her Uncle. It is (ironically, you may say) precisely that reason I am avoiding them.
I have had hydrocephalus for literally 3 decades, & been told I was "Type 1" Diabetic for a dozen years. To the best of my knowledge, neither is curable, & either could potentially, eventually (almost alliterative) be fatal. Therefore, I am aiming to be awake & active in some form as much as I can, simultaneously to not waste a moment, as well as to not miss it if we have an eclipse or something I might be able to view if awake. However, I am simultaneously trying to avoid seeing (or, more-accurately, being seen by) my younger relatives. In much the same way Joni Mitchell (& later Adam Duritz) sang, "You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone", I am assuming (based on my own "life experience") that should whatever's worsened recently take me away, they'll get over it easier if it'd been a long time since they'd seen me while/even-though I was alive.
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