This time, I am not going to name the blog after a title or quote from something else. I am also not going to start it with a statement of the time (not sure) or day (know, but don't care). That all seems a bit ironic to me (which I have read lately some feel is a judgment-call), as I plan for this particular blog to be largely based on myself, what I'm doing now (well, in recent months), & its relationship to what I've done before.
Before any of you ask, the title I have given today's blog is my own abbreviation/acronym. It stands (in my mind, anyway) for "Venn-Ish Diagram Of Life".
Here's why...
I'm not positive about this [I'm still searching for an MRI-like test that would tell me what's in my brain, how it gets there, why it stays there, how-&-why I/it access(es) certain things at certain times, etc.], but I believe "Venn diagrams" are visual aids that involve 2 intersecting circles. (Admittedly, I am mainly recalling this from "Late Night With Seth Meyers" & "Big Bang Theory"... But I am the guy who gets many things on "Jeopardy" due to "Forbidden Broadway", "Leverage", WWE wrestling, & The Monkees.)
Anyhow, I now believe my life is less the circle Harry Chapin sang about (remember, I'm the guy that "follows" Monkee Micky Dolenz & pro wrestler/"Hardcore Legend" Mick Foley on Twitter), & more two circles (at least) that can be followed in several different directions at once...
It starts with the "Type 1 Diabetes" all-who-know-me-but-are-not-me have believed I have for over a decade. (Wishing I got a Pavlovian bit every time I said or typed that word.) Almost since diagnosis, I have tried to have something to look forward to that drives me to take my blood-sugar checks & my insulin shots. (A while back, this may've been the birth of my niece; However, some days, a decent rerun of "Leverage" will do it.) Just recently, I have tried to turn this thing on all occasions into what I have long referred-to only by its semi-secretive name, "The Platinum Project".
This "Project" is not anything the government need be worried about (like those involving Edward Snowden, who I watched last night on NBC News & read about previously in Rolling Stone), nor is it my autobiography (currently sitting un-updated due to aforementioned computer issues). Even so, it is close to the latter, in that the main character (it is a largely-fictional thing) is a writer (as I've long aimed to be), & the "Project" will cover a few of his efforts to write.
All I will say at this time is that my current outline starts with him reading another fictional account, & feeling he wasted his time in reading it. After (coincidentally) feeling this way myself when I finished reading a (fictional) book a few months back, I considered the new "project" making reference to that book specifically, thinking it would be easy writing for me, since I personally knew how the fictional person would feel after this exact experience. Fearing the perhaps-minute potential of a lawsuit, I later considered the idea of using one of my own prior-written works, thinking it may cause people to seek it out, & I will have worked my way into a publishing deal (albeit perhaps a small one).
While writing the script with this idea in mind recently, it hit me that no real people are likely to seek anything out if another person (real or fictional) expresses having had a negative experience with it. (Even if some did, as I myself have admittedly done in the past, that would not be the way to go about earning any sort of "publishing deal" or other positive result, especially not in this "day & age", where it seems there are an annually-increasing way to access written/recorded media without any financial loss/expenditure.)
Anyhow, I am now sitting here (right this second; Weather's improving even in Ohio, so am moving about somewhat), trying to work my way back to where I was when I was working on the "project" without use of myself that I now realize would perhaps be self-injurious, while simultaneously realizing it will make writing the "project" once again the comparatively-difficult task it originally was.
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Friday, May 23, 2014
The Circle With An "Ender" -- Blog Begun 5/23/14 @ 2:15 AM
For those of you who may not know (which I assume is an overwhelming percentage, though I also realize the vast majority don't care), it is now "a quarter after 2" in the morning on May 23, 2014. Three hours ago, it was still the 22nd of May. That's simple Math for many of you, & it probably matters little, if at all.
However, it means a lot to me, as I got an E-mail around 10:30 that night (when I read it; it was sent much earlier that morning) from a guy my "simple Math" estimates I have now known (& considered my "best friend") for a quarter-century.
Something many of you are also probably not aware about, & may be more-interested in, is the fact I am typing this on my personal computer, bought legally for me (by which I mean both it wasn't stolen & the purchase had to literally get OKed by local courts before it was made; read earlier blogs if you forgot/are unsure why). However, my "game plan" right now is to save this when it's finished on what I've been referring to as an "external hard drive", & post it online later today/tomorrow/oh, whatever... Friday via Mom's computer, which I have been borrowing yet again periodically.
The reason for that is my computer is (the "taskbar" tells me) unable to get online right now (or the last few weeks). I plan to send it in to the "Geek Squad" again soon to try & fix this, but that will be the 4th time I've given it to them, & I have barely owned this machine that many months.
One reason I am hesitant to give it to them is I believe I was overcharged in a few different ways the other times. Another is I am working on saving a lot of documents, programs, & media (videos, pictures, & music) via that aforementioned "external hard drive", & am in the process of organizing it so it will take-up less space on the drive when I do so.
One major part of this organization is compiling bands that are listed under different names, but (I believe) are the same exact people. [No joke: I recently combined the "Black Eyed Peas" sections spelled both with &/or without a hyphen in the first word(s), & only minutes ago combined "AC-DC" spelled with a hyphen &/or the slash I just-now used.]
One of the reasons I admit this is taking so long is I spend a lot of time searching for different songs on my Media Player, & listening to them. (That takes maybe 4 minutes, after which I do what I'm choosing to now call "Six Degrees of the Bacon Brothers", searching for similar titles, & listening to those songs, in a neverending list.)
I don't know why, but a few nights ago, I was feeling more religious than I have in a while, & simply searched the word, "Confession". (Maybe I was feeling the need for a religious observance between Mother's & Memorial Days.) As you might expect, the majority of my results were songs by Dashboard Confessional. Again for a reason I'm unsure of, I ended-up listening to a song called, "Ender Will Save Us All".
I admit that this very second, I'm not positive who "Ender" is, or if it's even a person, thing, or maybe some sort of machine. ("Final Jeopardy!" tonight got me thinking about Kubrick & "Artificial Intelligence".) I seem to recall reading someplace it was the middle name of lead-singer/songwriter Chris Carrabba, but can't be sure of that at the moment.
"SPOILER ALERT!": The song, while great, never tells you who or what (if in fact anything at all) "Ender" is, nor how it/they "Will Save Us All".
Regardless, I have spent the past few days (including hours all over my alarm clock, or the one on my digital-cable box, or the one on this PC) listening to that song, watching my favorite episode of the long-cancelled "Sports Night" (which I did at 1:30 this morning, with my "Complete Series" DVD-set well within reach, part of me wondering why I don't see any pronunciation mark at the end of Peter Krause's name in the credits, as I believe there should be the way people pronounce it on TV these days), & having a meal with Mom at the local (& self-proclaimed "Original") Hot Dog Shoppe, recalling the days I spent debating becoming a part of the Facebook Group I read about dedicated to that place. (I forget my final decision; Let me know if you find me in it!)
Why am I doing all this?! Because I recently-learned getting rid of the "legal guardian" who was involved in the original purchase of this machine is a much-longer & more-complicated task than I originally imagined. I'm quite-well-aware I could stop doing this work if I were to, say, stop taking my Lantus or the roughly-2 pills I take each night (about an-hour-and-a-half ago), thereby reconnecting me with the "LG". However, if I wanted that, I never would have begun the work to disconnect us 4 months ago, which my immediate family is well-aware was all begun due to my choice & (thus far, largely) my individual action.
--Blog Complete 5/23/14 @ 2:49 AM
However, it means a lot to me, as I got an E-mail around 10:30 that night (when I read it; it was sent much earlier that morning) from a guy my "simple Math" estimates I have now known (& considered my "best friend") for a quarter-century.
Something many of you are also probably not aware about, & may be more-interested in, is the fact I am typing this on my personal computer, bought legally for me (by which I mean both it wasn't stolen & the purchase had to literally get OKed by local courts before it was made; read earlier blogs if you forgot/are unsure why). However, my "game plan" right now is to save this when it's finished on what I've been referring to as an "external hard drive", & post it online later today/tomorrow/oh, whatever... Friday via Mom's computer, which I have been borrowing yet again periodically.
The reason for that is my computer is (the "taskbar" tells me) unable to get online right now (or the last few weeks). I plan to send it in to the "Geek Squad" again soon to try & fix this, but that will be the 4th time I've given it to them, & I have barely owned this machine that many months.
One reason I am hesitant to give it to them is I believe I was overcharged in a few different ways the other times. Another is I am working on saving a lot of documents, programs, & media (videos, pictures, & music) via that aforementioned "external hard drive", & am in the process of organizing it so it will take-up less space on the drive when I do so.
One major part of this organization is compiling bands that are listed under different names, but (I believe) are the same exact people. [No joke: I recently combined the "Black Eyed Peas" sections spelled both with &/or without a hyphen in the first word(s), & only minutes ago combined "AC-DC" spelled with a hyphen &/or the slash I just-now used.]
One of the reasons I admit this is taking so long is I spend a lot of time searching for different songs on my Media Player, & listening to them. (That takes maybe 4 minutes, after which I do what I'm choosing to now call "Six Degrees of the Bacon Brothers", searching for similar titles, & listening to those songs, in a neverending list.)
I don't know why, but a few nights ago, I was feeling more religious than I have in a while, & simply searched the word, "Confession". (Maybe I was feeling the need for a religious observance between Mother's & Memorial Days.) As you might expect, the majority of my results were songs by Dashboard Confessional. Again for a reason I'm unsure of, I ended-up listening to a song called, "Ender Will Save Us All".
I admit that this very second, I'm not positive who "Ender" is, or if it's even a person, thing, or maybe some sort of machine. ("Final Jeopardy!" tonight got me thinking about Kubrick & "Artificial Intelligence".) I seem to recall reading someplace it was the middle name of lead-singer/songwriter Chris Carrabba, but can't be sure of that at the moment.
"SPOILER ALERT!": The song, while great, never tells you who or what (if in fact anything at all) "Ender" is, nor how it/they "Will Save Us All".
Regardless, I have spent the past few days (including hours all over my alarm clock, or the one on my digital-cable box, or the one on this PC) listening to that song, watching my favorite episode of the long-cancelled "Sports Night" (which I did at 1:30 this morning, with my "Complete Series" DVD-set well within reach, part of me wondering why I don't see any pronunciation mark at the end of Peter Krause's name in the credits, as I believe there should be the way people pronounce it on TV these days), & having a meal with Mom at the local (& self-proclaimed "Original") Hot Dog Shoppe, recalling the days I spent debating becoming a part of the Facebook Group I read about dedicated to that place. (I forget my final decision; Let me know if you find me in it!)
Why am I doing all this?! Because I recently-learned getting rid of the "legal guardian" who was involved in the original purchase of this machine is a much-longer & more-complicated task than I originally imagined. I'm quite-well-aware I could stop doing this work if I were to, say, stop taking my Lantus or the roughly-2 pills I take each night (about an-hour-and-a-half ago), thereby reconnecting me with the "LG". However, if I wanted that, I never would have begun the work to disconnect us 4 months ago, which my immediate family is well-aware was all begun due to my choice & (thus far, largely) my individual action.
--Blog Complete 5/23/14 @ 2:49 AM
Friday, May 16, 2014
"'The Unbearable Lightness Of' Nothingness" -- New Blog Begun 5-16-2014 @ 1:42 AM
Well, first, I'll do what feels like absolving myself a bit by admitting I'm tech-stealing the title again. I'm not exactly sure that's what the words are, but lately, I've thought so... Regardless, they're the soundalikes that work the best for my usage. [I know I've previously confessed to loving the use of "trick titles", & considering it for if-&-when I ever release any non-soundtrack album of songs,... But man, if I didn't regret all that about 5 minutes ago when I was searching the "Free Movies On-Demand" Channel! It's like your parents' "One day, you'll have kids, &..." speech for the "by-choice bachelors"!! (That's what I've taken to calling myself lately, & any that may exist like me.)]
Anyhow, about 12 hours ago, I was hand-writing a note to my best friend, letting him know all the things that have happened in the roughly-5-months between his birthday & mine. I've had a lot of physical pains, but I didn't mention them, as my belief is the reason I've had & survived such a large quantity is they each lasted for shorter amounts of time than it took me to write the note.
Therefore, at the top of my list was removing the "legal guardian" I had over the previous year. If anyone had been able to confirm for me, say, 10 months ago that I'd be totally free of it now (not entirely-finished with it all, but I took money from the ATM with my debit card this afternoon, & I've got a CD by one of my favorite bands that I haven't found available in town on its way here from Amazon, so good enough for me), I would've probably laughed, but eventually celebrated.
That all said ("wrote", if you wanna "get tech"), as I mentioned in the note to my friend, that's not really such a hot thing. As that Janis Joplin song says (my cousin would probably laugh to know I still remember hearing her "go nuts on it"), "Freedom's just another word for..." something else, & it's worthless, but free. Sorry, but who-knows-how-many years later, I gotta add somethin' to that. (Perhaps why my sister went through some time of preferring Scott Joplin, whereas I spent part of Thursday evening with Josh Joplin in my head.) If something were worthless-but-free, I'd be cool with that. (As I told Ma & my Aunt Wednesday night, I've long lived by the Dave-Matthews-Band-song-title of "Pay For What You Get".) But as I've lived my own life the past few weeks since that legal separation (which has included online interaction with people who seem to hold a mutual dislike for me, & others that have actually said they agreed with my opinions &/or liked my suggestions on things), I've learned that I've gone from not working a minute in my life (at your average paying job) to doing a ton of work, knowing all the while I'm not going to make any more money in total than I did 36 months ago, another time that I had no job, but one during which I also had no nieces. (As I told my brother-in-law this past Mother's Day, "Nobody who's seen me w/them will doubt I LOVE your kids.")
On my way out of this apartment a few afternoons ago, I told my Mom (also my driver that time, though she by-choice stayed in the car at our destination) that if I had a choice between being a Tony-winning, famous, published millionaire writer & being dead, that second, I would've chosen the latter. That day, I was on my way to a doctor's appointment to discuss a problem he'd already improved once, but which had since-then returned. At that appointment, he gave me prescriptions & instructions I have followed (the latter; the former would leave me stuck on the table), & I think the problem will leave again... So why did I find myself 24 hours later giving myself the same hypothetical choices, & still choosing the latter?!
Anyhow, about 12 hours ago, I was hand-writing a note to my best friend, letting him know all the things that have happened in the roughly-5-months between his birthday & mine. I've had a lot of physical pains, but I didn't mention them, as my belief is the reason I've had & survived such a large quantity is they each lasted for shorter amounts of time than it took me to write the note.
Therefore, at the top of my list was removing the "legal guardian" I had over the previous year. If anyone had been able to confirm for me, say, 10 months ago that I'd be totally free of it now (not entirely-finished with it all, but I took money from the ATM with my debit card this afternoon, & I've got a CD by one of my favorite bands that I haven't found available in town on its way here from Amazon, so good enough for me), I would've probably laughed, but eventually celebrated.
That all said ("wrote", if you wanna "get tech"), as I mentioned in the note to my friend, that's not really such a hot thing. As that Janis Joplin song says (my cousin would probably laugh to know I still remember hearing her "go nuts on it"), "Freedom's just another word for..." something else, & it's worthless, but free. Sorry, but who-knows-how-many years later, I gotta add somethin' to that. (Perhaps why my sister went through some time of preferring Scott Joplin, whereas I spent part of Thursday evening with Josh Joplin in my head.) If something were worthless-but-free, I'd be cool with that. (As I told Ma & my Aunt Wednesday night, I've long lived by the Dave-Matthews-Band-song-title of "Pay For What You Get".) But as I've lived my own life the past few weeks since that legal separation (which has included online interaction with people who seem to hold a mutual dislike for me, & others that have actually said they agreed with my opinions &/or liked my suggestions on things), I've learned that I've gone from not working a minute in my life (at your average paying job) to doing a ton of work, knowing all the while I'm not going to make any more money in total than I did 36 months ago, another time that I had no job, but one during which I also had no nieces. (As I told my brother-in-law this past Mother's Day, "Nobody who's seen me w/them will doubt I LOVE your kids.")
On my way out of this apartment a few afternoons ago, I told my Mom (also my driver that time, though she by-choice stayed in the car at our destination) that if I had a choice between being a Tony-winning, famous, published millionaire writer & being dead, that second, I would've chosen the latter. That day, I was on my way to a doctor's appointment to discuss a problem he'd already improved once, but which had since-then returned. At that appointment, he gave me prescriptions & instructions I have followed (the latter; the former would leave me stuck on the table), & I think the problem will leave again... So why did I find myself 24 hours later giving myself the same hypothetical choices, & still choosing the latter?!
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