"All I Want", Part 1

Well, we're now really in the holiday season. I finally got a good percentage of my Christmas shopping done yesterday. (Sometimes "living Improv" means you do things last-minute!) I also recently got back from a visit at my sister's (to see both nephews & the new niece), while also being invited to come again tomorrow with the gifts I bought for all of them.

Anyhow, the fact is I haven't seen a lot of my family ("immediate" or "extended") since the last blog. (Still debating meeting with my Mom's side of the family tonight, prepared for many of them to tell me "Merry Christmas" & "Happy Birthday" about in the same breath!) Regardless, I present to all my readers a possible gift list...

...To be a bit different, however, this will not be of anything to get me for my birthday or Christmas, as they will not be things that you could likely find in any store. Even so, they are things I would be very interested in seeing in the New Year (or-so) that I believe many of us would benefit from. (Don't worry; I'll limit myself to a maximum of 10, so you can count them down instead of watching the already-seen-too-much Ryan Seacrest take over basically solo for Dick Clark next week.)

1] "Truth In Advertising" = I heard about this years ago, & so have long assumed it (& laws to require it) actually existed. However, I think it (like the "right" to marry) should be extended across the country in various ways & situations. For instance, I recently watched a TV performance by a group known as the Avett Brothers. I loved it (to the point I watched it when the episode repeated, when I rarely watch Jimmy Fallon's show once a week)!! When introducing the group, Jimmy announced they were performing alongside Chris Cornell, whose name I knew from bands he was in previously. What makes them violate this rule/idea is that I recently read an article in Rolling Stone about them that goes out of its way to mention the other members of their band that performed with them that night, as well as several other nights before & since! I don't mind that (I know Tom Petty & other artists play multiple instruments on their albums through multi-track recording & things, but can't do so live in Cleveland or Pittsburgh), but when it bothers me is people like Justin Bieber, who we all know can't play a note on anything! (I realize this might seem mean since I grew-up a drummer, so I technically didn't play a note either... But I'll loan Bieber my old sticks next time he's in Cleveland, & personally induct him into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame if he knows how to use them as well as I do.)

2] Bands Reunited, etc.= Not saying I want to see the return of this show to VH1 (though I wouldn't be against the old seasons being put out on DVD). What I want rather, starts with the end, for instance, of things like I heard about on that show, where the female from the group Berlin (I think it was) continued to tour years later under that name when she was the only original member still in the performing group. Also, I would love to see 98 Degrees get back together as I read they did earlier this week. (Anyone else see the irony of the host of "The Sing-Off" being another guy who famously sings but doesn't play anything?!) However, before they sign on for a tour, add this caveat: They (like recent reunite-ers New Kids On The Block) can no longer be advertised as a band (due to my aforementioned "Truth In Advertising" bit), & since they would not be touring to support a new recording, Nick will be singing under his new name "Nick Minnillo", as his wife still has a show actively airing on Fox's schedule, & is therefore more "actively famous" than he is. (Much the way Pau Gasol is more "actively famous" than Kobe right now, since Bryant can't stand up without the rest of the team ironically supporting him.)
3] “The End Of Presumption” = This, contrary to #1, refers to something I long believed did not exist, but have come to find out exists perhaps beyond nationwide. [In fact, it may refer to both of the previous, as when we hear someone has the “top-selling” album, we might have once assumed they could play an instrument. Likewise, when Jay Leno says his guest “stars in the #1 movie in the country”, we might assume they are an actor. When people like the group One Direction or comic Kevin Hart (also currently a star of a reality show) are the previously-described stars, however, that is not the case.] A Google search tells me it may have been as many as 8 years ago this first began to occur to me: A local man that was a friend of my father’s was charged with a crime. Fast as a finger-snap, that man’s name was never mentioned again in our house. I don’t think anyone had spoken it for years prior, but that fast, you dared not say it on the property, or risk something akin to an “evil eye” from any other family member. Reading my prior blogs will show the same thing bothers me more now with people assuming everything my doctors have claimed about me is the truth, even though we all admit my doctors are as human (& therefore, I say, as prone & likely to make mistakes) as anyone else.

I had more of these mere hours ago... But my "improv" deal & my memory seem to be linked these days, as ideas disappear minutes later. (That's why I have a text message saved in my phone's "Drafts" for a writing project I don't plan to begin until 2014.) Hence, I titled this as "Part 1" when it may turn out to be all of it.

I'm Thankful For A New Year This Christmas

So, here we are... We've officially reached what everyone around me seems to designate "the holiday season". Ads all over the paper & TV for their gift-&-related sales, trees that have lost their leaves but are covered in lights & plastic balls, many of the people I E-mail or contact on Twitter sending me actual, hold-able cards via "snail mail"... And all that...
I almost typed "all that good stuff". To be honest, though, it's not really all that good for me. Not only did I take a Latin class over a decade ago, which ruined the idea of celebrating it in Winter for me (much the way Emmy-winner Jim Parsons does here),... But I happen to be one of those people who has a birthday in-between Thanksgiving & Christmas. (Not saying I rank anywhere near deities on any list made by anyone, but my birthday & the holiday each bring-about the idea of gift-giving; For years, my Aunt would ask weeks beforehand what I wanted for Christmas, & my stock answer was some version of "Whatever I don't get for my birthday.")
Subtract my birthday & all holidays from the remainder of this year's calendar, though. (It only exists metaphorically for me anyway, outside of me keeping my appointment cards on a counter in chronological order, including those for 2014.) In the next 24 hours, I will have either my 3rd nephew or my first niece somewhere in the county. (I don't know why I chose to write it that way; They will be born in the same hospital as my sister, 2 nephews, & Grammy-winner Dave Grohl, but not in the city I live in now.) As I said to Mom about an hour ago, I believe my younger nephew to have a closer connection to me than his older brother did at the same exact age, which can only bode well for the yet-to-come child... So why was I sitting in the adjoining room last night, debating if I wanted to live even 1 more day?!
I think I covered this all before, even just on this site. However, in case I haven't, let's cover it all (perhaps again). It comes down not to anything I've done, but to what I haven't done: I am a legal adult in any "state of the Union", as well as a legal citizen of the same county & state I write this blog in. [Unlike Bret Hart & his niece, both of whom I watched on TV last night, I've never done a legal "job" in my life (nor the illegal type as seen on "Leverage"). However, I was naturally born in this county in every sense of the word/phrase.] Outside of perhaps jaywalking down a nearby street (often right past police cars), I have never committed a crime, or been any type of suspect. I have spoken right out loud several times the idea of running for local or national office, & have yet to rule it out. Even so, I sit within eyes' view of several pieces of proof that other adults (ironically, those with jobs as attorneys, judges, & others in the legal "realm") have more control over several key parts of my life than I do. It's only been that way for about a year; However, that's at least 10 months longer than it should have been.
In truth, this all starts back about a dozen years ago. Around the middle of the actual year 2001 (perhaps I should blame Kubrick?!), I was diagnosed with a disease I still refuse to say I have. As it was far-more-recently explained to me (about a week ago), the reason these other people have control over key aspects of my life is because I "refuse to admit" I have it. On the contrary, I admit to any who ask (& some who don't) I have not spent a single second in a college class or law school, & therefore get my entire legal knowledge from watching court-related shows. (Today was the first in a long time, but one of literally thousands, of days I had Breakfast while watching "Judge Mathis".) However, I was (until this case/situation) cognizant/aware of the fact I still find myself relying on that courts rely on evidence in the vast majority of cases, & that the "burden of proof" &/or need to prove things relies on the one claiming it is/they are so. There is not a person in any US State or territory that has ever seen proof I have this not-named-here disease, which is one reason I claim that even if I wanted to, it'd be impossible to "admit" I have it.
It seems to me that this is just a situation of some sort of a "train of thought" being (let's kill a metaphor) thrown into "Reverse"... I've long seen/read/heard, "Be careful what you wish for; You just might get it". Here, I was not wishing for anything; Simply relying on something I'd long been told was true, but never needed to find out if it truly was or not. When I actually find a situation where it would benefit me, it turns out not to be true at all.
Reading the clock on/at the corner of the screen, I see it is a time when many things/offices/companies in this county are probably closed. However, I got the phone number of the local court that handles my case/situation off of its Website last night (which also had a picture of the same judge that signed the paperwork pertaining to my case/situation), so I may still call them before my next birthday, & see if I can't change something besides my age, clothes, & the length of my hair before the year's out.

Movies On-Demand... In Theatres!

First off, I know I will be (figuratively) "kicking myself" if I do not wish everyone a belated Happy Thanksgiving, "Black Friday", "Cyber Monday", & all that jazz. (Also, my condolences seriously go out to anyone who lost a loved one in an occurrence related to any of those.) With that said, let me tell you what I've been up to over the time since last blog. I stayed away from the Mall & movies that whole time, spending a little time with my sister & nephews at their house, & most of it here where I still live.

The fact is that, like Harry Chapin used to sing it (& I believe I still have the CD to prove it), "All my life's a circle." I stay up late Sunday nights (often to watch repeats of "Burn Notice" or the E! Channel's wrestling-related show), which is why I then end up sleeping late most Mondays. (Ironically, I missed the opening of last night's "Monday Night Raw" largely due to watching the show on E! late Sunday night.) While I've had one-or-two appointments lately (& more to come; Literally, 3-in-a-row in about 2 weeks), I sleep in most days I am allowed to stay here. (I continue to say how much I hate this place, but when you're sleeping/"napping", your eyes are closed, so you largely have no clue where you are.)

Anyway, I say all this to mention I had not yet been able to finish my main two aims for the month of November: Getting a haircut & seeing the new Jason Statham movie, "Homefront."

This afternoon, I left the apartment at about 3 PM, sure I'd get to the theatre in time for what I remembered as being a 4-something showtime. I reached the mall almost right at 4, & called "Fandango", sadly my most-often "go-to" destination for movie times. It was then I was told the show had (at some point) moved to 5:20. I passed by the place I get my hair cut, but they were extremely busy. I walked a few laps around the Mall, before leaving the building for the movie theatre around 5:15.

At the ticket counter, I double-checked the film's showtime. I then asked the ticket-seller for "one to the 'Homefront' that just started". I reached for my ID, only to have him confirm out loud that he'd seen me there before, & knew I was "21". ("Long as he knows I'm old enough to get in, no need to correct him," I thought.) He told me (I never asked) I'd "only miss the first few minutes". Not a problem; Anyone who (like me) is a Statham fan knows his movies are big on action & small on plot/setup anyway.

I go to movies on Tuesdays because the local theaters are cheaper those days; The 2nd-run discounts tickets by a buck, & the other has discounted popcorn (the only movie snack people are allowed when, like me, they are popularly-believed to be Diabetic). The ticket-seller also handed me my ticket-shaped paper that earned me a $2.00 popcorn. (Note I said these theatres are "cheaper" now; There was a time years ago the popcorn for frequent customers like I then was cost nothing; It's like they're punishing me because the studios are putting out Vince Vaughn crap & Kevin Spacey is signing series deals solely with Netflix.) I therefore figured my next stop was the concession counter to get the discount snack & some size (diet) soda... Sounds like a fine plan, except I was the only one standing at the counter for long enough to watch many of the most-popular YouTube videos.

With all of that in hand, I walked into the right individual theatre. A quick glance at my watch showed "5:25". I laughed, thinking I'd mainly missed ads for Sprite & other concessions, which I was either medically-barred-from or already carrying. I walked in, & saw nothing on the screen. Twenty more minutes went by, & still blank. [The "radio" was playing; However, it was largely playing Ariana Grande (I joked to myself her FULL name was "Arian-A Grande Pain"), & bands I'd never heard of, like something by/about a White Buffalo.] Finally, at 5:45, I grabbed my currently-off cell phone out of my pocket, turned it back on, & text-messaged my mother, explaining the situation.

She texted me back, "Sumthin not right". I simply laughed, saying aloud, "Like I don't know that," before calling "Fandango" again. When they gave me the option for the building I was in, I hit the buttons to get the theatre's phone number. I memorized it, hung-up, & called it. (I reminded myself of the book I've already mentioned I read by Kevin Mitnick, as this was like something he often did; I stopped myself before sharing that with the employee who answered, however.)

I told the male employee (still now wondering if he was the ticket-seller) that I was "actually calling you from inside your building. I'm in the theater that's supposedly showing 'Homefront', but it's a half-hour past start time, & there's still nothing on the screen". He said he'd "let them know". Soon, some woman came in, looked at the screen for a few minutes actual time (like she expected that would change it, ala a "Jedi mind trick"), & then looked at me & thanked me for letting them know.

A young man (one of only two other audience members) who had headed out of the "screening" before seeing me on the phone thanked me before heading past me on the way back to his seat. I laughed, honestly responding, "No problem; I just wondered, 'What would happen if I called them from them?', & I had to try it!"

Sure enough, the movie started (with the White Buffalo song still playing over it about 10 seconds more). I usually leave the second the end-credits start, thinking, "I'll IMDB it" about any questions I might have about the cast/crew. I stayed for the first minute-or-so of these, however, perhaps expecting a bonus animated flick or something to repay us for not leaving in the wasted half-hour. (Blame "The Amazing Spider-Man", which I still can't find available on DVD in 3-D, the way I saw it in the theatre, & which also had a few more minutes after the last credit ran.)

The Problems With Freedom

As I sit here, it is about 10 minutes after 11 PM on November 25th, 2013. I am sitting in the same county & state I was born in. Before the end of the calendar year, I am facing 2 more birthdays. (Only one of them is mine; The other belongs to either my 3rd nephew or my 1st niece.)

As I approach my birthday (&, coincidentally, the end of the actual calendar) every year, I tend to do some quick Math in my head. I have spent easily 95-plus % of my life in the USA, & I’d estimate an easy 90-plus % in the state of Ohio. I mention all this because it was in the house I grew up in (also in this county, where many of the current residents are “blood relatives”) a few years back that I first spoke of the idea of eventually becoming President. I’ve got about a half-decade before I will be old enough to legally take that position, but since I meet all the other rules &/or requirements, I have not entirely ruled it out.

It was roughly 2 weeks ago I started seriously considering such things more than I have in a long time. I was watching the Steelers play football on TV. (I still remember my best friend telling me that he was a fan of Pittsburgh sports teams over 2 decades ago, & I said the same. Now, he lives in Massachusetts, & while I didn’t become a Steelers fan until we were both in high school, I have no idea what teams he currently supports.)

I started thinking about the remaining majority of my week, most of which was open. I considered spending some of the time at the movies, shopping, or just “killing time” at the local Mall. I figured that if “my” Steelers won that day, I’d possibly wear one of my team shirts wherever I went the next day. I also thought that anyone who supported the team we were then facing could also wear that team’s apparel to the same place the same day no matter the outcome of the game, & neither of us could legally say or do anything to the other claiming the action/speech was spurred by the clothing.

The majority of the time I have seen such things discussed (admittedly, this is most-often fictional series/films), the person(s) claim it is part of their Constitutionally-given “freedom of speech”. This often makes me laugh; While I’m known to say, “You’ll never find a bigger defender of people’s right to their opinion than me”, I take it into account that when exercising their “freedom of speech” in this way, there is very-rarely any speaking actually done.

Around the time of this particular game, it hit me that I have a problem with people exercising this right & others like it. I remain a staunch defender of people’s right to their individual opinions (a quote I read from Voltaire in Freshman Year of high school comes to mind offhand); On that day, I recall myself saying that “People don’t exercise that right enough.” (Here, I wish I could repeat the examples I listed that week. While my stances don’t often change, my memory comes-&-goes like soda cans.)

I believe I’ve covered that side of things enough… For now, at least. Let us look at the other side: When people exercise rights they should (&, I believe, do) not have.

I am, as I said before, a legal adult citizen of the contiguous United States. I graduated high school over a decade ago, & have never been even a suspect in any illegal activity. (As I’ve come to say it, “I regularly watch ‘Person Of Interest’, but have no history of being nor want to become one.”)

After yesterday’s Steelers game, I realized I had the entire week open, & so was considering things I might do this week. (Basically the same list I made earlier.) Before I fell asleep, however, I crossed all possibilities off of my list, thinking I would have to first call & ask a question of my “legal guardian”, requiring me to be home the rest of the day to wait for a call back.

I spent a lot of this afternoon, therefore, “napping”. This is not because I was tired, but because I had forgotten Last Night’s List, & my “guardian” had answered my question when I originally called him this morning.

Part of me is surprised he was available, & actually willing to speak with me personally. Further, part of me is even more surprised (albeit pleasantly so) by some of the answers he gave me. Regardless, the vast majority of me is wondering why I cannot seem to end our connection to each other by the end of this calendar year, & above that, why this connection was ever begun.

Choose My Own Adventure

If you've been reading my blogs (even just those on WordPress) with any regularity, you might get the feeling I am very-often depressed. I am not meaning for that to happen; Trust me that I am well-aware a blog about a depressing life might be just as depressing (if not more so) for those who come to visit &/or read it. However, in much the same way it is popularly said that "Perception is 9-10ths of reality", I mainly blog about what my life is about/is for/includes, & the fact is I have been very depressed since around Labor Day, if not before.

Even so, I have been to my share of "counselors", psychiatrists, psychologists, & who all knows what else in the past decade-or-so. While I have already mentioned in these blogs I've learned that they can't discuss with others my various writing projects & things I discuss with them, I also learned firsthand years ago that things I say in "sessions" with them can be used to send me straight to the Psych Ward of the local hospital. While I have been there-&-home-again at least twice, always with the "OK" from a "medical pro" (not breaking-out like a character I once saw on an episode of "Burn Notice", played by an actor named Michael Weston, pronounced & almost spelled the exact-same as the lead character on the show), that does not mean I am in any mood to go back.

Since I wrote about seeing her the last time, I have called to make another appointment with that same counselor, thinking she (like her predecessor) would help me work on my depression. I went to that appointment last week, & rather than even attempt to work on that, she continued asking me the same one question, claiming she couldn't "work with" me until we answered it. To this minute, I honestly have yet to answer it.

Regardless (it seems I therefore may not go back again), I have realized simply enough the one way to continue living with basically the same amount of freedom I usually have (to read what I want, watch what I want, listen to the still-unplayed CDs I bought months ago, but avoid the hospital) is mainly to continually enact a bit of deception. (I admit this may have a lot to do with the fact I just watched episodes of "Burn Notice" & "Leverage" back-to-back, & am currently reading a book I mentioned in a previous blog by former FBI fugitive Kevin Mitnick.) I don't mean lying to anyone; Simply not telling them I don't see a point to living, etc.

The only problem there is it appears to lead me to a complication... When I have a conversation with extended-family relatives or so-called "medical professionals" where I don't mention my lack of "will to live", they inevitably ask me what I've been doing lately. Reading a paperback & checking my blood-sugar is "all well & good" (not to mention perfectly legal & healthy), but again, quite boring. What do I do to kill time & have something to tell them then?...

...The reason I left the ellipses there is because I can't answer that question. Rather, I could, but it has potentially enough answers to fill a whole 'nother blog. I get to, as I've come to sometimes refer to it, "choose my own adventure" there. Sure; I admit that sometimes means walking to the Mall, which I tend to do as regularly as once-a-week. However, once inside, there are potentially dozens of stores I have never set a single step into. As the saying goes, "There's a first time for everything." (There is one store in our Mall I used to avoid on purpose. Eventually, I walked in, telling myself I was just going in there "for book research," to have things ready I could write about other people/stores characters I had begun writing stories about might experience. Now, I have a near-full "active shopper" card for that same store, along with a keychain "fob" & at least 1 T-shirt I bought there.)

Ever since just about the day I was first told I was Diabetic, I preferred to have something to look forward to, a reason why I was multiple-times-a-day taking insulin shots, and taking other steps to care for a disease I've never believed I had. It could be the local "Rib Burn-Off", where I have yet to bite into a single rib, but which was once home to national bands like Gin Blossoms. It could be a wrestling event or basketball game in Cleveland. Often, a decent-looking TV premiere would be enough for me to consider "worth it". (Sure, there were times I was disappointed by the event... But by then, that means it was over, & I had to look for the next upcoming thing on my calendar.) Now, I similarly often find myself looking for future events. Since I often find my next several events are doctors' appointments, I replace those in my head with the open time I have surrounding them, which are mine to fill as I see fit.

As my way of repaying any regular readers for boring them with my recent blogs, join me in this exercise. Unlike me typing, you don't need your hands to read my blog... So everyone reading it, raise your hand (any of them; I won't know or care which) if you've yet to climb a mountain. Cool; Now, keep it up there if you know for a fact you couldn't do it. My eyes are decent, according to my ophthalmologist, but there better not be anyone out there I could potentially see with a hand up now! The only reason you know you can't do it is if you don't have any hands! Maybe you tried unsuccessfully, for instance, to climb Everest or "K2"; That's cool, & just means you need to pick a smaller one next time.

Off to the side, I'll admit I used to go to the local "Relay For Life" when I was in school. My Grandmother was a cancer survivor, I believe. After I was diagnosed Diabetic, however, I stopped. Don't get me wrong; I'm not supporting cancer, or anything like that! However, last I checked, cancer & Diabetes were both diseases without "sure-thing" cures. I still get upset whenever I read about Wahoo McDaniel or another celebrity who dies from "complications of diabetes"; Even so, I'm betting (if I believe the popular idea I have Diabetes, which I honestly never have to this second) that it or "complications from" it will be what kills me. That means I can fill the rest of the time attempting to cross busy local streets with my shoes untied, eating things I can't identify (going against a rule I've long held myself to), or any number of various other things.

Odds are if you read this, & especially if you've done so this far, that means you know me &/or where I live. Just know I have the vast majority of this week open, & will be filling it with the things listed above & who all knows what else. If you feel the need, come on down & try to stop me. I'll be up late, sampling my old Fall Out Boy CD (especially "Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying...").

Can I Get What I Have?!

Fact: I have a big head.

I don't mean I have an ego. While I admit to having often said aloud remarks about how smart I am, creative I am, etc., I believe the vast majority of the traits I have mentioned myself having are things that can be proven, & I see nothing wrong with mentioning them when spending a half-hour with me would get people who were previously "complete strangers" to honestly say the same thing.

No. What I mean is I physically, visibly, have a big head. I have heard this from people (including the aforementioned "complete strangers") for literally decades. As I recall, I have very-rarely heard, "Your head is HUGE!". It's usually been a comment more like "How did your head get so big?" or "Why is your head so big?". However, the fact is that, from both kids & adults (including in both cases people my age & older-or-younger), I have heard many comments & questions about my head. I also still presently own two Dallas Cowboy "baseball caps" (from the Troy Aikman days; Don't really care about Tony Romo) that never, ever fit me.

However, it was at-most a year ago I found that I had a growth atop my head. I am in this case not referring to either of my shunts (things attached by other humans to my head due to a neurological condition I have been diagnosed with for much of my life), both of which are located on the back of my head (& one of which I still use as the primary sign I need to get a haircut). I am referring to things I can think to refer to in no better way. They are simply growths on my head; They appear to serve no purpose, & decent work with a fingernail (even while watching a TV show or one of my many wrestling DVDs) seems to rid of much of it no problem.

Therefore, I called the number of a dermatologist I first went to years ago. (He had already operated on my torso years ago, & his family, largely different sorts of doctors, were some level of "friends" with my parents.) I was told he was gone, but there was a new dermatologist filling the same office. I was transferred to that phone number, & made an appointment.

I went to that appointment, & the guy gave me a simplistic explanation for the problem; Not the size of my head (which I have always "chalked up" to the neurological issue, & often jokingly blamed on my metaphorically-larger brain &/or IQ) but the recent increased growth. He then gave me prescriptions & (no joke) a combination advertisement-coupon for a special kind of shampoo he wanted me to pick up & begin using on a very-specific schedule. I did all that, & went to see him a few months later.

When I went back to see him & he asked me if there were any problems, I smiled & said, "No," very-happily reporting that it all seemed to have (largely, anyway) gone away. I expected that he would surely be happy, & we'd say "Goodbye" to each other, perhaps never seeing each other again. Instead, this man surprised me; He took the idea of "If it (his treatment plan) ain't (wasn't) broke,...", & suggested I continue with the special shampoos, etc.

As I said in my previous blog, I have grown up with a near-constant thought/feeling of "Fool/Cuff me once, shame on you...". Naturally, this was not the case when I was younger, which I suspect is a major reason why the vast majority of my graduating Class (if asked tomorrow) would say we were not actively friends, & I have not spoken to a great deal of them in a decade, but we never had problems with each other or any negative feelings towards each other...

...However, this has changed since I was about 18, the age I was at when first diagnosed as a Diabetic. [I believe that occurrence to be a main reason why. However, to those who may still believe I am a Diabetic, I say it is a change that comes with adulthood, as in my many years of watching court shows ("Judge Mathis", etc.) & fictional law shows ("Law & Order", etc.), I have always remained unsure what the legal adult age is, & reading about cases in the news/online, it appears that may even change depending on what crime you are charged with/believed to have committed.]

Now, I seem to trust/distrust people largely as a group based on the single first experience. For instance, ever since that first person told me I was diabetic over a dozen years ago (it was in a hospital, so I don't recall a specific doctor's name), I have often automatically believed that most doctors will say just about anything (diagnoses, referrals, tests, medication-prescriptions) that they think/know will get them more money. Not recalling exactly when the first appointment with this dermatologist was, I may (for all anyone knows) have been ready to start believing the vast majority of my doctors again at that time. However, the way this man has acted in his only-doctor-patient relationship with me, he has (as one might say) "ruined it for the rest of" them.

(Anti-)"Social Media"

Just a note, first ("for starters"), to anyone who might be a user of "social media" (Facebook, Twitter, Google-Plus, etc.): So am I. This blog, despite what the title may lead you to believe, will not be one against the use of any social media.

I try to keep my real first-&-last names off my blogs... [I've been hacked a few times, and as the fictional Richard Castle (@nathanfillion; I "follow" him on Twitter) says in the pilot, "Cuff me once, shame on you...".] However. if you know them & care to look on Facebook or Twitter, you will find me on both. (Fact: I remain rather active on Twitter, & apparently added a new "friend" on Facebook recently I actually was in-person friends with a-decade-plus ago, but the me typing this blog has no actual access to the F-book account, leaving my sister to often read me a list of Facebook "friends" who leave me birthday wishes.)

Anyway, let me tell you what I've been up to in the few-weeks-or-so since I posted my last blog: Reading. That may sound boring to some of you, but it's actually been rather enjoyable for me. As you've probably "gotten" from my past blogs, I had a lot of doctors' (not sure where the apostrophe should go in that case) appointments in a little bit of time, so it was especially nice for me to be able to decide how to fill my time when I've had a seemingly-related break from them since. (I admittedly spent a ton of it sleeping, but I often found myself simply enjoying the fact I didn't have to be awake, doing laundry, etc.)

My family will probably admit that I've been doing more reading than many my age for a long time. Honestly, I read it once in a book by a still-active author (Stephen King) that “If you don't have time to read, you don't have the time (or the tools) to write. Simple as that.” [The book was, ironically (no joke) called, "On Writing."] At the time, I thought that was a bunch of crap. Honestly, though, in the time I have been sort of "taking off" from writing (I have been "printed several times, but never paid for it," as my Twitter profile reads), I have found myself doing a ton of reading: Fiction; Nonfiction (why not just call that "reality" the way we do TV... "Reality reading"?... As Micky Dolenz says, "I love alliteration!"); Newspapers & old issues of Rolling Stone; And probably some others that list doesn't cover which my thumbs have.

In my last blog, I mentioned an upcoming meeting/appointment with a counselor. (I certainly won't name her here, as there are apparently rules barring her from mentioning what we discuss to anyone else. I'm still sorry my previous counselor can't tell anyone about some of the still-to-come things I mentioned to her!!) She mentioned, among other things, that it might help to try being more social amongst my family (at the very least). Guess what?! Tried that, & discovered it's somewhat of a "no-go"; It seems much of my family listens to conversations like looking for "tags" on a blog. For instance, when my mother or sister hears me mention wrestling at all, they "tune-out" like Timothy Leary. This leaves me a few options: First, there's my father, somewhat of a local celebrity (especially when it comes to local sports), & I'd be happy to converse with him... However, when I texted him about events of today's Steelers game, he reminded me (in very-certain terms) I said I wasn't speaking to him anymore. I recalled this was due to a conversation we had when he was over last week for our then-weekly time watching wrestling together. (I'd rather not get into it; Suffice it to say I will not be changing my mind!) I also could talk to my nephews. However, both are too young to understand much of the words I find my adult self able to use very simply & regularly.

I then find myself looking for ways to simply "kill time". One early way that I tried (not originally planning on using it as a means to do so) was to attend a birthday party for my cousin's daughter... However, I then went into the math it was the 2nd birthday of her daughter, & the cousin herself was not born until I was a few years old! This made me think about what I've accomplished in my "X number of" years, which proved largely depressing. On to time talking with my sister (over the phone or in person)... This went OK, until I heard her yelling at one of my nephews. In addition to my never having been employed, I have no offspring to speak of. "Chalk that up" to never having dated anyone even once; While that assures I will also never be questioned by Maury Povich or police, it's another thing my sister & cousin have both accomplished I have not.

(It's kind of ironic, honestly: That previously-mentioned, yet-to-happen thing I discussed with my counselor has often been the reason I tell myself for not jumping off of a local bridge, as some of the necessary components still exist only in my head, so it could not be fully "done right" without me. That said, for whatever reason, it has "yet-to-happen", so it remains right up there with travelling to other continents as something I have never accomplished.)

I then often find myself reading. This seems relatively-easy & not-depressing, as well as being something I can do whether I am in my home or away from it. [I "killed time" reading a paperback recently (searching "Tweets" proves it to actually be Aug. 24th) while also drinking a diet soda at/near the local Mall's Food Court.] However, even with things already-printed-in-completion, I find myself with questions... For instance, I just yesterday finished "Split Second" by David Baldacci. (Was first interested in it years ago, & having watched first season of "King & Maxwell" series on TNT, became so all over again.) But the book now comes with a preview of his next book, simply titled "King & Maxwell", due out this month! To read or skip?! (Finally, chose to read, & it barely mentions them, & "Edgar", my favorite character on show, even less! Disappointed again!) Now, onto "Ghost In The Wires", "reality reading" by Kevin Mitnick. (Feel better about this one; Good review by creator/producer of "White Collar", & interesting Foreword by Steve Wozniak, who I wouldn't know if I hadn't seen him on "The Big Bang Theory".)

But, when done "in whole", shouldn't reading just remind me more of the writing I have yet to (technically) accomplish?! (I wrote a ton of "short stories" roughly 15 years ago, & have tried contacting the "big name" publishers online, but no responses yet.) Worse yet, even travelling on foot (I call myself "the king of the walking trips") just reminds me I come from the same town as Dave Grohl, who has accomplished so much more (& made so much more money doing it) than me!

Therefore, I largely find myself attempting to write for online fiction sites (though this is where I believe the aforementioned hackers to have originated, & I am often left to "submitting" the same story "threads" repeatedly on subsequent days), or posting about things on Twitter (though, as I mentioned, it's often about the fictional characters I'm regularly watching do things, or the fictional characters I'm reading that are either doing things or deciding what they should do next).
All-in-all, an overall-largely-depressing practice.

Even so, it seems my financial rations from my previously-blogged-about "guardians" arrived this weekend, & tomorrow is the first day of the work week for many people in many companies, stores, etc... Maybe that can mean something good for me... And if not, at least screwing it up can be something I've accomplished.!

"And another one gone, and another one gone,..."

I don't mean for that title to sound negative, no matter who might think otherwise. It's not the way I think of these blogs or anything... Nor do I want anyone to think I am incapable of mourning a loss. (I still find myself upset when people I haven't seen for years die, & I have found myself to be unable to even properly deal with the end of new "Burn Notice" episodes.) However, there is something (several, to be honest) I am currently trying to get rid of. This is what I felt the need to write about today.

If you read one of my blogs from last month, you will see it mentions a then-recent appointment with my endocrinologist (or, as I have long preferred to refer to that person, "my sugar-doctor"). I have seen her once since then... And that is what started it all. She was upset about how much I've lost weight recently. (So am I!) She also was upset about me being taken-off of Geodon, a  medication one of my other doctors (my "general guy", often referred-to by others as my "family doctor") weaned me off of earlier this year. She also seemed to be VERY-strongly feeling that I needed to be on some other kind of psycho- something drug to take its place.

This reminds me of a few years ago. I was seeing an "endo" (how I refer to them, for time-saving's sake) who for one reason or another decided he no longer wanted to deal with me. He therefore told me to have my "general" person handle my Diabetes & everything else. That didn't go so hot (in anyone's opinion), & I eventually got pushed along to an endocrinologist in Pennsylvania. Eventually, I was redirected to the one I currently see.

Ironically, she may have talked herself right out of a job, or at least a patient. She told me to make an appointment with my "general guy", who at that appointment, set me up to go see another endocrinologist. (I'm pretty sure I'll write about that appointment if & when it happens.)

In the meantime, I have an appointment coming up later in the week with the psychiatrist I was originally set-up with by a counselor I was seeing in the same building he works in because (in her words), "He can prescribe medications, & I can't." (He has yet to put me on anything, & I doubt that will change this month.) Later in the week, I go back to the same building to see a counselor there that it sounds like they're setting-up to replace the aforementioned one (who took another job elsewhere, for reasons I believe had nothing to do with me).

Regardless, I expect sometime within the next five years (at absolute-most), I will be free of them all... It will be proven, however such a thing is done (I Googled it, & came-up relatively-empty) that I "am not now, nor ever was" ANY "Type" of Diabetic. Connected to this or not, the majority of my other doctors will become as smart as I for one expect people who go to that much schooling to be, & realize I would've been MUCH better off all this time if they were each individually able to just stop seeing me without shipping me off to each other.

The Eleventh Shoe

Originally hand-begun around 4:15 this AM.

I have Googled myself relentlessly over the past month.

I don't mean that as any sort of euphemism; I strive to make my blogs & Twitter "feed" something my beloved nephews can read (as much as anything; Only 1 of the 2 is "school age"). What I mean is precisely what I (hand-)wrote: I have searched my own name (& several of my self-chosen "name de 'Net"s) on Google.com.

Do not assume from this I am self-obsessed; Questioning my parents, sibling, & best friend of over 2 decades will reveal I talk as much about "total strangers" & fictional folks as I do myself. The main reason for these attempts to "find myself" is to find years-old blogs like this one. (Should my currently-disconnected external hard drive be compatible with my next PC, "my autobio" is 5-6ths written, & I once hoped to include some of them in it.)

As I took a writing break to read that much to myself, I started tapping "Dr. Comfort" on the floor. That sentence will make more sense if-&-when you know that "my Dr. Comforts" is what I call the shoes I've now worn for 12-plus hours straight. I call them this not due to my podiatrist (Dr. Fonagy), but what they each say, both on the bottoms & the box they came in.

Earlier this week, Dr. F. said things I don't now recall verbatim about my diagnosed Diabetes potentially causing BIG problems with/for my feet. If not for that, he, you, & all the aforementioned people should know they'd be very likely later today to find me in the city I've lived & walked in for years, but in the shoes I've long referred to as "my black 'boks".

Honestly, I don't believe there is/are any special thing(s) about the black Reeboks I wore for years. I'm sure I could touch them without leaving the spot I sit in now, from where I can also see the white Reeboks I wore prior to them, which may also still fit.

In the closet with the white 'boks are a pair of "dress shoes" someone bought me semi-recently, which I wore to church services for "a stretch". In there also are a pair I call "my Marching Band-ers", which I wore in the school marching band during my Senior Year. (I graduated a dozen years ago!)

Regardless, here is the Important Thing: All the shoes I'm not wearing have remained still the entire half-hour I've been writing, & I don't believe Ohio gets many earthquakes,... So none of theses are the oft-mentioned "other shoe" I'm waiting-on "to fall".

Where Am I? ...?

Before you contact me in an attempt to answer that question for me (via E-mail, Twitter, or a blog "Comment"), know this much: I already know the answer as it pertains to me specifically. I have said for literally years (to myself & a bunch of others) that "I live in Butt-Crap, Ohio". [It always reminds me of the years when my sister, my only other sibling, was going to college in Kentucky, & used to say the school was located "in (or near) BFE." At the time, I considered that a guarantee she would eventually meet & marry someone, perhaps largely because they & their family allowed her the ability to get out of the areas of both her college & where we grew up. Now, she is indeed married with her third child on the way, but she lives in the house I spent my first 2 decades in! I admit this is one of the few areas where I find her to be even somewhat "unpredictable".]

Anyway, as I said, I have spent 90% of my life in the same county of the same state, & therefore, obviously the same country. However, that still leaves me to wonder where I am.

For one thing, like many, I had dreams of different potential future occupations when I was growing up. For a few years, I thought of myself as being in a band, the other members of which had the dumbest names. (I prefer to not even think about it all anymore, though I remain sure these details will be publicized by my sister on her Twitter account, if not TV, should I ever become the least bit successful.) I also thought for a stretch that I would become a famous pitcher for the Dodgers, largely based on the "un-hit-ability" of a pitch I believed I created, which I know I then named after myself, but (as far as I know) can myself no longer throw. (For all I know, CC Sabathia, a man I once watched pitch for a local team who now does so for the world-famous Yankees, may in fact have thrown that very same pitch in a game this week, & been paid a ton of money for it!) For at least the past decade, I have been planning on a writing career, one that seems feasible due to my talent in the area & my actual ability to do so from just about anywhere I go... However, as my own Twitter profile admits, I have been "Printed several times, (but) never paid for it", leaving that in what I see as an unidentifiable area between the pre-plan & actual undertaking.

Here's another thing I think I know, however; Whether you are a pitcher like Mr. Sabathia; A singer-songwriter, like Dave Grohl (Grammy-winning member of once Nirvana & now the Foo Fighters, & born in the same hospital as my sister & myself); A movie star (Dad contended for a long time that "Cleveland's own" Halle Berry, since that contention an Oscar-winner, will some day be interested in him); Or anything else, a main aim is either to get out of your home area or to make it famous for better than it currently is. I grew up watching TV (which is not to say that I wasn't doing so 2 hours ago), & got sick of "Ohio" repeatedly & literally serving as a punchline. More-specifically, I am (as I said) from the same area as a Grammy-winner (have literally walked the streets he lived on), & a starter in a recent Super Bowl (Mario Manningham went to the same high school as both my parents), but also the same area as Maurice Clarett (same school as Manningham) & the "Joke Jims". (I think Dad was on a first-name basis with Tressel, & I myself got a signed "form letter" from then-Senator Traficant.)

Even so, I now find myself occupying the same sort of "undefinable area" career-wise as my long-dreamt-of writing career. I was waiting in the hospital to get some bloodwork done earlier this week, which was ordered by a doctor I was seeing the next day (I also enjoy I can write relatively well regardless of my health-level), when I read a review of a play being performed locally. The review was accompanied by a picture including someone I have considered a close friend for years, & one paragraph in particular praised her work in the show. Sounds great; Right? Yeah. I sent her a message on Twitter, telling her, "Congrats!"... And almost-immediately got depressed...

Don't get me wrong; To this very second, I remain happy for my friend. However, what bothers me is simply a law of Physics. (Admittedly, I know little more than what I've seen on "The Big Bang Theory".) For years, I've heard people say, "What goes up must come down," & I'll never doubt it. However, what I see as just-as-obvious & never spoken is what happens previously in most of those cases (whether in actuality or purely hypothetical): "In order to go up, you gotta start down."

For instance, I've spent a ton of time in Ohio hospitals, everything from the local hospital (which seems to have a staffing issue a month) to what I often call "the world-famous Cleveland Clinic". (Actually had a kidney operated on there a few years back!) Every time I am in the ER, located on the Ground Floor, I know being admitted means going up in an elevator. Likewise, when I am released, I know which ever relative picks me up (I am the only unlicensed member of my "family of four"), I know getting to their vehicle means we ride the same car right back down. (It's this I think of when people seem depressed as they speak about getting "the shaft" from their jobs.) This leaves me to wonder why many people, who I'm sure (though not as often) have all had the same hospital experiences as me, don't remember, recall, & ponder both.

For over a decade, I have spent time walking through the local streets. I spend much of this time walking either to or from the local Mall &/or movie theaters. More often than I need think about, I spend much of that time imagining different portions of articles that will eventually be written about me when a local theatre performs a show I, in fact, wrote with the specific intention of premiering it at that same theatre, while in a cast of another show being performed there. I imagine it being written by a man I have admittedly little respect for (him or his opinions on many of the arts), largely because we have a history of online contact regarding articles he has written over the years & things he said in them, etc.

However, I often also consider what might be written later (both about me & the area I come from) when this same script gets performed outside the state of Ohio. In both cases, I have supposed/dreamt/expected something will be said about me "surprisingly emerging from small-town Ohio", or perhaps "coming out of the same area that brought the country Maurice Clarett & Jim Traficant," etc...

Therefore, I find myself mentally, &/or often emotionally, split: If this area is best-known for some of the aforementioned names & their stories, it may indeed be quite a surprise when the multi-genre, multi-platform talent I believe myself to eventually become is "offsprung" from it. However, if we are known more for Catherine Bach (AKA the original "Daisy Duke" on "Dukes of Hazzard") & Austin Pendleton (my Mom has repeatedly worked on a stage named for his mother, and they seem to invite him back for a "celebration" of his family every year, though I mainly know him for "The Muppet Movie" & 1 episode of "The Cosby Show"), then the national audience will never possibly see my work as a rise from that, meaning my future was ruined perhaps before I was ever born!

Bonus Blog: “What Gets Me Is…” Version 2.0 - The 2-Parter

I know that in the blog I wrote a few days ago, I said it would probably end my blogs for the month, which I also know has not changed. (Happy Birthday to my nephew!) However, if you’re new to my blogs (never read me when I was at Xanga), you should know I “live Improv” beyond the point I get sick of sayin’ it, so you can’t really trust anything I say regarding the future.

One thing I can almost-guarantee nobody else has read is a piece I wrote years ago called, “What Gets Me Is…”. I originally planned it to be a series, perhaps published/printed in either the local Tribune or the school paper. However, I believe I only ever wrote the first one, & I have the only printed copies of that in a folder in my bedroom closet.

Even so, recently, I thought of a few new subjects I want to cover in that sort of piece. Therefore, I now present to you…


“What Gets Me Is…”, Version 2.0 - Issue 1

Part 1: “The Concentration”
Let me start by getting a few things out of the way. When I write about “the concentration”, I am not referring to “concentration camps”, or anything regarding the Nazis or the Holocaust. I also am not referring to Dr. Phil & the millions of others out there who seem to focus on males being the physical/sexual abusers of their girlfriends/wives.

Hypothetical Situation That Really Happened #1: A few days ago, I was walking around a store at the local Mall “complex”. At the time, I was a legal adult citizen of this state with legally-achieved “disposable” income. Walking through this store, I noticed a bunch of clothes hanging. Above them was a sign, saying the store was having a sale with big discounts on their “maternity” clothing.

In my entire life, I can guarantee you I have had no need for “maternity” clothes. (Perhaps my sister… But with her birthday over a month ago, & Christmas a few months ahead, that sale would have done me no good this month.) I also don’t frankly care one bit about wearing clothes to give me a certain “look” or do anything else to attract any sort of potential romantic relationship.

All that being said, I spend a lot of time at the Mall stores & other local shopping areas. Looking at stores specifically based around maternity (saw one at this same Mall closing yesterday) & others based around either women or guys whose lives seem to hover around attempting to attract these women, I want to walk up to a Customer Service desk, & quote “Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back”, asking, “When’s gonna be my time?!”


Part 2: “When Trash Is Trash”
The thing I remember I was going to do when I originally began this series years ago is mainly look at not everything that “gets me”, but largely popular ideas & phrases & the like. With that original intent in mind, I have the one for this “Issue”: “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”.

Now I’m not about to lie; I get the basic idea of that, & it could be largely true. For instance, my Mom loves both dropping things off at the local Goodwill stores, & buying things from these same stores. (Especially around times like now, when she is doing a play locally, & needs something for her costume.) Also, within walking distance of where I type this is an old store where, at least once a month, they have sales put on by the Easter Seals Society, where the place is filled with things (mostly, I think, picked-up by people given that task) no longer needed by the original owner that others can now purchase and use. (This is where my Mom gets a ton of toys & things for when my nephews stop by.)

But here’s the “thing” for me… I am not against the idea of someone else being able to use something I have later (though they often actually can’t, as I hold onto it, still having use for it myself). Also, I’d be lying if I didn’t mention the large number of CDs & DVDs I have I bought at Buybacks (originally called CD Warehouse) that had all been owned by someone else previously.

Even so, living where I do, I see two sides of this. One is the fake fireplace in the lobby. There, people place all sorts of food, drink, & clothes, available for nothing on a “first come, first serve” basis. However, when I make my regular walking trips to the local Mall, I am sure to pass at least 1 (if not 2) giant, blue Dumpsters. At least once a week, Mom or I has a garbage bag to take to one of them, filled with things (mainly pop cans, in my case) that we once had obvious uses for, but haven’t needed now, in some cases for days. If indeed “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”, how have I lived here 6 years now, & never seen a single person taking anything out of one of those Dumpsters?!

OK… Think that’s all I wanted to write for this one. (Actually, I know I had some more ideas, but they’re just not “coming down the pike” at the moment.)

After The Ending

Hey, everybody! Welcome to my first blog of the official new Fall TV season. (Well, sort of; I know some shows don't premiere until next week. The CW Network is delaying some premieres until late next month, I think, & I think "Nikita" will return sometime after Thanksgiving! Meanwhile, USA Network seems to be premiering a new season of a show once every 6 months at least.)

As I watch the premieres this week (both of brand-new shows like "The Crazy Ones" & starts of new seasons of faves like "Big Bang" or "NCIS: Los Angeles"), I am (semi-ironically) thinking about endings. For one thing, some shows had cliffhanger endings that made it seem the new season would continue on the same fictional day as the last one ended ("NCISLA"), whereas others just leave you with questions some fans want answered. [While I watched every episode of "Burn Notice", I never considered myself a "shipper". I don't really care that "Michael" & "Fiona" ended-up in the same building, nor do I care if Maggie Lawson (AKA "Juliet") ever comes back to "Psych".]

That makes me think more about my own endings... And yes, I do mean that to be plural! For one thing, I am not anywhere near suicidal. (I don't believe I ever will be again; As I've told many counselors/psychiatrists, "When I get depressed, I get lazy, & won't do anything at all.") For one, I don't think it will bother my sister to tell you my older nephew is celebrating a birthday this coming weekend. I have every intention of making the party (gift bought, but unwrapped & card yet to be signed), but for many years, I have wondered if you're supposed to be celebrating the year you're ending or the one you're starting. (Doesn't help that my birthday is practically smack-dab in the middle of the last month of the year!)

Also, I am thinking about when my play is getting performed. For any unaware, I don't mean one I am acting in. I made a decision a few Winters back I was done being on the stage. This is one I wrote... At least, as much as it's been written. I've "lettered-out" the music for the songs in the first act (have the notes by letter in order, but not staffed), & have yet to even do that much for Act Two. Even so, I have already developed a list of, say, a half-dozen people I would happily have in it or working on it with me, as well as at least 3 people I may try to get some form of restraining order on, keeping them "X-number-of" feet/yards away from the show.

I (with, I think, perhaps, some help from a relative) am also trying to get my "guardians" to get moving on this computer-buying thing. Once I get my own computer again, I will continue a few stories I started writing "X-number-of" years back. (Someone tell me if you know how to contact Random House or one of the big, non-"vanity" publishers about publishing your stuff so you get paid, & maybe don't have to pay them.) Also, then (when that's done), I will get to the ending I really want... The end of my relationship with the "guardians"!!! (I've taken to thinking of them as "The Law-Evading Lawyers", & have even considered prosecuting him/them for stealing from my accounts.)

Well, for now, that should cover it, & will be the end of my blogs for this month.

"See Me, Feel Me..."

Hey, everyone! I'm back again! (A while back, on my old blog, I set-out an aim for myself to do 1 a week. That is what I am aiming for again here.)

Another thing I did a lot on my old blog I am repeating here is "stealing" titles. For anyone who may not know, my title this time comes from a song by The Who. (Or, as my Dad often called it when I was growing up, "Who-music".) I actually can't tell you the last time I listened to any "Who-music", largely because it's near the end of my largely-alphabetized CD collection, & therefore VERY hard to get to.

The reason I chose this title is those are my two best hopes to communicate with anyone right now. I finally did get my hearing aid the other day, but the audiologist had VERY specific instructions about when I should/shouldn't wear it. Mom & I (long story short) kinda broke those the day of the appointment, so I'm kinda wondering where to go from there, how, etc.

Another thing that continues is my ongoing effort to get a computer. Actually, perhaps that should be "effortS". See, a key part of this is timing. I am simultaneously wanting to get a new computer & get entirely rid of any connections to my "legal guardian(s)".

-[The explanation for the quotes is a long story... The explanation for the "(s)" is not so much of one. If I call the office of Mr. Letson, who I was first told was my guardian, I am asked if I wish to talk to him, schedule an appointment with him, etc. If I E-mail him (the address is on his business card), however, I will pass about 50 birthdays before I "hear" from him again. Meanwhile, E-mail another man in the same office, & he fully answers all questions within a day. Ironically, this is one of the main reasons I wish to get rid of my connections to all of them.]

I was told long ago (during 1 of maybe 5 times I've actually spoken to Mr. Letson) the steps that needed to be taken for me to get a computer (since he/his office has control of my financial accounts right now). I was never told how I might be able to do it if I remove any & all "guardians", but I'm betting that accomplishment would involve more of me & much less of my "representatives" (& all that jazz), & yet still (in some semi-ironic way) be more difficult for me. Therefore, if any of them actually find my blog (got a weird paranoia-like feeling they Google me, etc. once in a while), take this as a warning that getting my new/next computer will be THE LAST THING YOU EVER DO FOR ME!!!

Anyhow, as I alluded to early on, this blog was mainly set to hit the one-a-week aim, & mention the new hearing aid. I have no medical appointments this upcoming week, so I may skip blogging 'til October.

The Other Part Of Reality

With my last blog ending in (semi-) current events, let me start this one in a similar way. About 20 hours ago, I was sitting on my bed, watching the TNT series "Perception". For any unaware, it stars Eric McCormack (the male half of "Will & Grace") & Rachael Leigh Cook, most-famous to people (at least those my age) for "She's All That". (I actually "follow" her on Twitter, & she occasionally posts old pictures of that cast.)

About-as-recently, I had an appointment with my endocrinologist yesterday morning...

Before I cover that, excuse me for this related note. In my closet right now is a green T-shirt I bought that says, "Notice: Whatever you're doing, saying, or thinking, I'm not interested". I've never worn it, & it actually still has tags & things on it. I thought about wearing it yesterday, but chose not to, since I planned to ask her 2 questions, which I thought she wouldn't answer honestly if she read the shirt. Now, I never asked the questions, & therefore, SO wish I had worn the shirt.

Since I bet you're curious, one question was how I could keep my blood-sugar numbers under control while gaining weight. (My numbers fly to the point I consider FAA contact, but I agree with the office I've lost FAR too much weight!!) The other was how she & my former endocrinologists could look at me, sitting in their offices, telling me how to care for my Diabetes, knowing I truly never had it?! (If you're new to my blogs, know I was diagnosed over a dozen years ago, but don't recall a single second including this one I actually believe I have/had it.)

Back to "Perception", though. I've seen Season 1 on DVD at Target several times, & considered buying it. When I do so, another 2 questions hit me. One is why the box for this drama mentions Eric's Emmy win for the sitcom "Will & Grace"? The other is why to call it "Perception"?
It is the second question I think about often. I've read the saying about "perception" & "reality". In 90% of the episodes, they are investigating at least 1 murder, of a person who certainly won't be at work next week.

On the side, though, I think about the all-lower-case word "perception" & the "reality" I can't watch on Bravo, E!, TLC, or VH1. This is partly because Eric plays a college professor of neuroscience. (I've been diagnosed with a neuro- issue literally as long as I can remember, & never denied it.) I also wonder about what I see as reality, what my doctors see that way, what my family sees that way, & how much of each is correct.

Space For Rent... Or Lease... Or Renovation?!

Hey, everyone. Welcome to my first free blog... OK; So technically, it's not my first free blog. I mean, I posted blogs for free at Xanga for years (at 3 different URLs, thanks to some still-unidentified hackers). The last few weeks (not sure exactly how long), I've been going to my old blog site to try & post a new one, only to read that "Xanga 2.0" was "coming". (Like "Sharknado" or something!) Anyhow, the site now claims it's here, but best I can understand, it'd cost me to be able to post anything new there. As I like to say, "That's NGH: Not Gonna Happen!"

So here I am, back at an old blog-hoster I used years ago that appears to be still free. (If anyone here can find any evidence of "The Monkeemaniac's Blog", as I think I called it then, let me know, & how!)

Anyway, here's a slightly-edited version of the blog I was gonna post at the end of last month...

"Space For Rent"

If you’re one of my regular readers (which/who I’m not even sure I have), don’t worry; That title is not meant to make you think I’m planning to stop writing this blog. If I had planned to sell my site, I wouldn’t know how to do it so that I could make any money off of it. (Not even to sublet it to Richard Dreyfuss, like in "The Goodbye Girl”! My sister is the most-likely to enjoy that reference!)
So, since I’m not planning to do that, what is the “space” I refer to in the title that is “for rent”? The one I’m occupying now… If you wanna “get tech”. When I originally wrote that title, I was sitting in the local Mall, near the Food Court. Since then, there have been several changes of location, day, time, & everything I’m wearing.

Those aren’t the only changes, however. There’s also been a change in my “employment status” (as they call it on forms at several of my doctors’ offices). For years, if anyone (usually doctors) asked me if I worked/had a job, I’d say “No”, & that was 125% true. Now, if anyone asks (perhaps that psychiatrist I’m seeing semi-regularly), I’ll say “Yes”. When they ask me what it is, I’ll say I’m a “space-filler”. I know that has yet to bring me a paycheck, & I’m not expecting one. But think of it this way: Last month, I walked through a huge bunch of dirt on my way from here to pay the cable bill. If I did that next month, I’d literally run into an auto-parts store. Sounds like a big deal to me!

On to “current events”:
Truth is I fill about the same space now as I did when I wrote all of that a-week-or-two ago. I got a haircut today, but it was all (clearly) on my head, so a lot of it took up the exact same space. I also think I got a bit taller lately, but if you ask me (I know you didn’t), I think I shrunk over the last few years, so it adds up to “breaking even”. (That’s sort of a “favorite phrase” for me; Long story.)
Well, I guess that’s really all I have to write this time. I know I thought of a ton more over the past few weeks. (Don’t be surprised if I post yet another blog within a week of now!) But I think that covers “the basics”.